Dear Reader, Usually I write an advice column and then I make a podcast from it. But this week, what I needed to say was better just spoken. So … I’d ask you kindly to just listen to the podcast … Speaking of which … The Since You Asked podcast is now available on the following platforms that might be favorites of yours: Spotify Stitcher Podcast Addict Podchaser Deezer...
Dear Cary, I was born in San Francisco six decades ago. I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Loma Prieta earthquake and have been close to a couple of street shootings in SF and New York City. I’m not a nervous person by nature but I am full of fear and anxiety now. I couldn’t listen to the first presidential debate because I knew it would upset me too much and, with the...
Dear Reader, I heard the news this morning that President Trump and the first lady have been diagnosed with COVID-19, or SARS-CoV-2. I felt bad about the confluence of events but that is history in the making, so here’s the column which I began yesterday before the news and am finishing today after the news.–CT Hi Cary, So, the comedian and talk show host Bill Maher says that...
Dear Cary, I’m a long-time reader, since the Salon column, and a first-time writer. I’ve always appreciated your willingness to empathize with the people who write to you, observing the human condition alongside them rather than talking advice at them. It’s a beautiful thing to do. I’m writing about a frustration that no one I know–including my spouse, family, and...
Dear Cary, After reading “The voice inside my head is being mean to me” I decided to write about a recent experience that has quietly devastated me. I went to art school in the eighties, where I fell in love with art. I was in a few shows and was well on my way to developing an identity as an actual working artist but then the student loans ran out and I had to learn how to survive in...
Dear Cary, You get a lot of unusual letters so perhaps you will not be shocked to receive one from me. I know you quite well, well enough to know there are many things that you conceal from me. But rather than talk about my problem, as most of your letter writers do, I would rather like to talk about your problem. Or problems. I know you have them. And I am in a privileged position to know about...
Dear Cary, I miss writing and I miss playing the ukulele. When I was divorced and single, I made a life for myself by working, going to school, caring for my son and mom. I took weekly writing and music classes and I learned how to be completely independent. However, I missed being in a loving, close relationship to share life with. Dating became like a part time job, but eventually I found my...
Dear Cary, What do you think about Covid and Black Lives Matter in terms of historical perspective? I think that the Black Death in the Middle Ages paved the way for the Renaissance. Is what we are going through (radical changes to social protocol) likely to result in a similar revolutionary change, and if so would future historians regard this change as a good or bad thing? Just Wondering Dear...
Dear Cary, I didn’t know who my father was until I was 44. The “father” I had was a man who married my mother when I was 2, and adopted me when I was 6. I found out at 14 that he wasn’t my father, but my mom still didn’t tell me about the real one. She made up yet another story, and that was all I had until age 44. The man I now refer to as my stepfather (although legally he was...
Dear Cary, I am a twice-divorced 54-year-old woman entrepreneur who supports herself through the practice of her craft. I have a 17-year-old daughter. She is bright, creative, articulate, sleeps a lot and talks to her friends and boyfriend on the phone, is an artist, cartoonist, and enjoys studying underwater hydrothermal vents. Senior year is around the corner and the world has gone mad – we...