Category

Since You Asked (the column)

Addendum to “I have a 17-year-old Daughter” …

A

Dear “a Mom,” A few more things, less ordered and quasi-poetic. You say, “Time seems to be collapsing.” You also say that she sleeps a lot. It’s good that she sleeps a lot because this article refers to a study of almost 28,000 teens where researchers found that most of them were not getting the recommended nine hours a night. “The most important thing to remember is that your...

I’m so comfortable I feel guilty!

I

Dear Cary, I’m feeling guilty these days about how comfortable my pandemic experience is. I mean, I feel the weight of the chaos going on, for sure. But my family is healthy, our home is comfortable, we can get groceries delivered, our income is steady, etc. I see other people struggling financially, and especially those fighting the good fight for justice, and I wonder why I lucked out while...

How do I tell people to put on a mask?

H

Dear Cary, Why is it that when I tell people they need to wear a face mask, I’m the one who ends up feeling terrible? I don’t just go around willy-nilly telling this to any maskless person, although I have been known to speak up in supermarkets if someone gets too close or exposes his or her nose. But in my apartment building, where there are a lot of high risk people (including me)...

Covid-19 pandemic virus disaster anxiety disorder: I’ve got it bad!

C

Dear Cary, I’ve been coping with an anxiety disorder for most of my life. I know and use many of the available tools: the meds, meditation, therapy, exercise, talks with good friends, chocolate chip cookies. Engagement in living in this minute, now. Random acts of kindness and shopping. For years I’ve managed, more or less. But This Minute Now is outstripping all my coping skills. This minute now...

I should have been a writer!

I

Dear Cary, I remember an afternoon, during my senior year of college, in a tiny hamlet in upstate New York, sitting at my desk, and writing a paper for one of my classes. I do not remember the class, or the subject of the paper. I do remember tip-tap-typing away, focused, with open books lying about on the desk and floor, passages marked with pencil, fluorescent sticky notes protruding from pages...

Donald Trump’s Death Wish

D

Dear reader, In Donald Trump, I see a man obsessed with death but unaware of his obsession with death. What clinched it was his recent rallies. They were literally invitations to infection. The life-affirming had become death-affirming, and the tragic gulf between Trump’s awareness and his actions was palpable. So I began to think about malignant narcissism and the death wish. I would love...

I’m a white guy but I’m not a bad guy

I

Dear Cary, I am a 67-year-old bald white man who wears glasses. Recently, I’ve been around people who assume that because I look like Mitch McConnell, I think like Mitch McConnell. I don’t look THAT much like a GOP senator, but… you get the idea.   It’s very sad to have spent a lot of my adult life working against racism and get lumped in with the KKK and the GOP. I...

Fifteen Other Columns that Mention the Book “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns, or, What Was I Thinking?

F

Last Thursday’s column, “My Parents Don’t Like Me,” made me wonder: How many times have I recommended that book by David Burns in the past? Wow. The answer surprised me. So I put together this list. Though it sounds like I’m either obsessed or on the take, the truth is, that one book made a lasting impression, and, cognitive therapy turns out to be good for lots of...

My Parents Don’t Like Me

M

Dear Cary, I am glad you started up again with Since You Asked, way over there in Italy. I hope Italy is not a sad place now, but it must be, a whole generation of grandparents has died off. This summer will be a season of national mourning for Italians; the Christmas season will feature so many families experiencing that first difficult holiday without their beloved parents and grandparents...

My husband is slowly killing himself

M

Dear Cary, I feel helpless.  My husband almost died two weeks ago.  I coerced him to the ER at the last minute where he collapsed trying to get in the door.  Once in there, he vomited so much blood all over me and all over the ER room that it looked like a crime scene.  I didn’t realize he had been in pain for quite some time.  He was diagnosed with an illness and spent a week in ICU, then...

Recent Posts

Recent Comments