Dear Cary, Thanks for writing about grief. I’ve been grieving too, and any interpretation of grief helps me feel connected. I hope your lungs feel full of air for however you grieve. Telling stories or wailing that losses are always unfair or cycling uphill or laughing at a broken cup. I wonder what you think about change and upheaval. How do we put back together relationships strained by...
I moved in with my daughter
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 27, 2011 Her husband died so I came to help. Now they act like I don’t exist Dear Mr. Tennis, I am a 65-year-old woman who has had a long and interesting life. During a particularly “interesting” time (think job loss, forced relocation, job search) I found myself estranged from my eldest child, a daughter 40 years of age, who had recently become part of a...
How to fight bad gossip
Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Apr 23, 2013 People are saying untrue things about me for no apparent reason Dear Cary, A few months ago, I got a new supervisor at work. I was excited because this is someone I’ve known for years, and have even considered a mentor in the past. Unfortunately, I had a string of personal losses in the past few months — deaths and major illnesses of loved...
My mom left my dad in a nursing home and lied about his chances of coming home
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 22, 2008 02:50 AM PDT He thought he’d be returning home to die. But she just strung him along until he was gone. Dear Cary: My elderly father had been ill. After improving, he went directly from the hospital into a nursing home. We never told him he was never coming home. My mother said keeping up some sort of illusion of his eventual return was a way to...
Why did you skip the funeral?
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 23, 2010 A tragic death among deeply close friends: Her burial was like a ghost town Dear Cary, I want to say, first of all, that I am so happy to hear of your recovery. I always look forward to reading your thoughtful responses to letters. I have, perhaps, many things I’d like to ask for advice about but for now I will get to the most pressing and...
Honesty or selfishness: You be the judge
[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] My husband told me that he and my friend are attracted to each other — two days after my father died! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 18, 2003 Dear Cary, This past Tuesday, my father died. Although it was not unexpected, I loved him deeply and am dealing with a lot of...
Does time heal all wounds?
[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I have been through a lot of loss, but I can’t seem to get over losing her love. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 14, 2004 Dear Cary, At Christmas she left me, told me she had fallen out of love. It has been half a year; I have dated, moved on, accepted that she is never...
My mother is dying — how will I bear it?
I know it’s inevitable, but I can’t imagine how to get through it Dear Cary, I’m writing because I love your advice and follow your column avidly. I don’t have the time or focus to make this pithy. I’ve always envisioned writing you a clever and insightful letter someday, and this ain’t it. In a nutshell: I just learned my mother has a deadly cancer, her second round in two years. Despite what...
My father was murdered by my former next-door neighbor — and I’m supposed to just get over it?
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
I lost my inheritance on a “technicality”
[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...