Category

mental health

My Mother the Narcissist

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Dear Cary, I hate my family of origin.  I recently discovered that I grew up in a mostly narcissistic family, with a narc mother who subtly but persistently projected her own guilt and shame and anger about her situation onto us, her six children.  During those childhood years, we – my siblings and I – felt so much compassion for her suffering. It seemed like almost overnight our...

The Massage Parlor Murders: What can you do?

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This is not an advice column. This is commentary. Robert Aaron Long, 21 years old, of  Woodstock, Georgia, was arrested Tuesday in the murders of eight people, six of whom were women of Asian descent working in massage parlors. Initial media reports indicated that he claimed he did it because he was a sex addict. Sex addiction is not a trivial matter. But right now his claim feels like a...

Donald Trump’s Death Wish

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Dear reader, In Donald Trump, I see a man obsessed with death but unaware of his obsession with death. What clinched it was his recent rallies. They were literally invitations to infection. The life-affirming had become death-affirming, and the tragic gulf between Trump’s awareness and his actions was palpable. So I began to think about malignant narcissism and the death wish. I would love...

My children were abused

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Cary’s classic column from  Monday, Aug 12, 2013 I live with an awful history, and sometimes it is too much for me Dear Cary, I am writing with a problem that makes my heart physically ache. Let me briefly lay the groundwork first, and then I will present the problem. I was married for almost 20 years to a man who had three children from his first marriage. We had three more ourselves, and I...

He does the dumbest things!

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[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 5, 2004 I thought my husband was stupid, but he’s just got attention deficit disorder. Dear Cary, I’m 40 years old, married for 19 years, with three boys ages 4, 8 and 14, who are constantly and completely amazing to me. I never finished college...

I’m so anxious I can’t think straight

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[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 4, 2007   I know what the issues are, but I can’t really deal with them. Dear Cary, Lately I’ve been very anxious about my father. I’ve been anxious about mortality and life goals, or how to live in general, but particularly as it concerns my...

Can therapy fix my parents?

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[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2005 We’ve been in counseling for about six months now, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting them. Dear Cary, You and other sage advice givers often recommend that people seek therapy for their problems, especially when a couple or family needs...

Damaged goods

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[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAR 11, 2004 I got engaged, then found out she is bipolar. How can I break it off with the least amount of hurt for both of us? Dear Cary, I am in my 30s and from a religious background where one only dates (limited to conversations over dinner or...

I hate being wrong!

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[button link=”mailto:advice@carytennis.com” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m ruining my relationship because I’m too quick to argue. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 8, 2005 Dear Cary, For as long as I can remember, I have been very bad at arguing with people. As soon as someone disagrees with me, I get angry because I feel attacked, like the other...

My father was murdered by my former next-door neighbor — and I’m supposed to just get over it?

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 I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...

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