Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 13, 2009 If I marry, I get a 16-year-old who can barely take care of herself. Dear Cary, I’m 29 and my potential stepdaughter-to-be is 16. We live under the same roof, and it’s driving me crazy inside. Let’s rewind the story by six months to last July, when my boyfriend and I chanced upon a really nice flat with a magnificent sea view and decided to sort of...
My children were abused
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 12, 2013 I live with an awful history, and sometimes it is too much for me Dear Cary, I am writing with a problem that makes my heart physically ache. Let me briefly lay the groundwork first, and then I will present the problem. I was married for almost 20 years to a man who had three children from his first marriage. We had three more ourselves, and I...
My husband won’t set limits!
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 5, 2006 Uncle Danny shows up in his R.V. for four-month “visits,” gobbling up our food and paying nothing. Dear Cary, My husband and I are a professional couple in our mid-30s who have a house in a revitalized urban area in North Carolina. Since we moved into our house four years ago, my husband’s uncle — let’s call him Uncle Danny — has started visiting us...
My parents don’t like my boyfriend
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 9, 2005 We’d like to stay together, but I’m not sure I could handle the rift that would create. Dear Cary, I am a bright, personable woman in my late 20s who works full-time in a law firm and attends graduate school part-time. I am in love with a man who is a decade older than I am, a struggling musician and carpenter who has also found some very creative...
My mom left my dad in a nursing home and lied about his chances of coming home
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 22, 2008 02:50 AM PDT He thought he’d be returning home to die. But she just strung him along until he was gone. Dear Cary: My elderly father had been ill. After improving, he went directly from the hospital into a nursing home. We never told him he was never coming home. My mother said keeping up some sort of illusion of his eventual return was a way to...
I secretly hate myself
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, DEC 14, 2007 I seem to be OK on the outside, but inside … you don’t even want to know. Dear Cary, I have never written to an advice column before, and I chose you because although I sometimes disagree with your advice, I find I can never predict what that advice will be based on the advisee’s letter. Here’s my problem: I secretly hate myself. I know why...
My Southern grandmother is dying, and I don’t want to go back
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 13, 2007 I finally escaped the deadly web of small-town Southern life. But it keeps pulling on me! Dear Cary, My grandmother is dying. I grew up in the deep South, so of course, there are a lot of obligations that go with having a dying grandmother. Especially when said grandmother is a pillar of the community. Luckily for me, I live in Oregon, so I...
I love the West Coast
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 1, 2005 My problem is, I think I love my East Coast family more. Dear Cary, I’m hoping you can help with something that weighs on my mind a little heavier each day. I’m a 25-year-old professional woman, raised in Pennsylvania with four little brothers and sisters aged 18-23 whom I adore. A few years ago, I was working a post-college first job near my family...
Medical meddlers: It’s my body, not yours!
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 15, 2009 My mother and my boyfriend want to tell me how many pills to take Dear Cary, When I was 18, I had my first kidney stone. I had lithotripsy for another at 19 and a very serious bacterial infection in my kidney in between. I am now 25, and have spent seven years with intermittent pain and urinary tract infections. In the past year, the pain has...
How to let go of old resentments
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 8, 2010 My husband and my brother are estranged because of a business deal Dear Cary, Earlier this year, around the time of your cancer diagnosis, you wrote about letting go of a long-held resentment. I am particularly interested in this topic because of a family conflict that has gone on for years in an understated way. Whenever it interferes with my life...