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writing workshops

I’m a conflicted feminist

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Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 31, 2003 My family taught me to be an independent woman, but now they want me to find a man. Dear Cary, As a 32-year-old single female I have been told my whole life that I don’t need a man. I can be educated (I am), have a career (I am working on it) and own a home (I do). The importance of being independent was drilled into me from an early age and to be...

My husband is making me suspicious

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Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUL 17, 2006 He’s e-mailing an ex-girlfriend and chatting with strange women — and he gets defensive when I mention it. Dear Cary, I can’t tell if I’m paranoid or justified at this point, and maybe you won’t be able to tell, either, but I guess I just need someone else to think about this for a minute, because I’m exhausted. I’ve been married for 13 years...

I kissed her and then her husband killed himself

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Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 10, 2012 Now I’m in an agony of guilt and my life will never be the same Dear Cary, I met a woman at work nine months ago.  We clicked immediately but I refused her advances because she was married, to her second husband, in fact.  After a few months, I could no longer resist the attraction.  Immediately after we kissed, she told her husband they hadn’t...

Can a bigot be a good person?

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Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 24, 2004 He pursued me, but then rejected me because my religion was “wrong.” Dear Cary, Do you think someone who is narrow-minded and bigoted can truly lead a happy and fulfilling life? And can this person be considered a “good” person if they are good in other ways? I went to an art exhibit/talk at a friend’s church. I was standing at the refreshment...

Faking it

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Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 4, 2004 Can I stop him from going by pretending to come? Dear Cary, I am an attractive young woman who is married to a man I love and trust very much. I love sharing my life with my husband, coming home and telling stories of our day, cooking dinner together, going on trips together, laughing, bitching, cuddling, hiking, shopping, and having adventures...

My husband won’t set limits!

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Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 5, 2006 Uncle Danny shows up in his R.V. for four-month “visits,” gobbling up our food and paying nothing. Dear Cary, My husband and I are a professional couple in our mid-30s who have a house in a revitalized urban area in North Carolina. Since we moved into our house four years ago, my husband’s uncle — let’s call him Uncle Danny — has started visiting us...

Dashed against the rocks

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  Cary’s classic column from Friday, Feb 20, 2004 I’m in love with a siren who lured me and is now destroying me. Dear Cary, I have been involved with a woman for one and a half years. She is well mannered, dresses nicely, has style, is extremely intelligent, and is a stunning beauty. We also share many views on the world and, for example, an obsession with the same country that we would...

My friend has gone bad

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Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 23, 2008 I hate to lose my best college buddy, but her behavior is beyond the pale. Dear Cary, I am having problems with my friend (let’s call her Mary). Mary and I have been friends since college. We are in our early 30s now. Neither of us is married: Mary is completely single and I have a significant other. We have lived, traveled and partied together...

I feel awful about my affair

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Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 2, 2012 It was stupid, cruel and unsatisfying, and now I’m miserable Dear Cary, I really need you to tell me how to forgive myself, and how to carry on after I had an affair. I’m sorry if this ends up really long and please edit however you need to. Basically, I have been married for 15 years to a man who really is a fundamentally excellent person. We...

My brother left his girlfriend with a 5-month-old baby

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Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 30, 2007 They thought the baby would fix things, but he didn’t, so the dad split. Does that mean he’s no good? Dear Cary, Early this year, one of the greatest bright spots in my life occurred: I became an uncle. After 10 years of bleak family moments, we all finally had a moment of renewal. My older brother called me (I’m an expat and haven’t actually seen...

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