Am I doing it right? [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Reader, When I was writing the Since You Asked advice column for Salon.com, I often would meander from the “given” form in ways that some readers found aesthetically displeasing. They were experiencing genre shock. (As though...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column Tuesday, NOV 4, 2003 10:29 AM PST I had a crush on a colleague, and now she wants to be friends, but I don’t. How do I get rid of her? Dear Cary, I’m a Salon reader from Mexico and I enjoy reading your column very much. Now I need your advice. I am a medical...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 20, 2005 A snafu on bridesmaids dresses resulted in a refund to the bride — but she never passed it on to the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. Dear Cary, A little over a month ago, I was one of eight bridesmaids in my brother’s wedding. The...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, Your column spoke to a writer’s heart. It encouraged. It gave strength. It had passion and power. It would be lovely if you would continue to offer advice. That said, I need some support and advice. I’m in the midst of a contentious divorce. Friends started...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column Tuesday, Mar 18, 2008 I have a feeling maybe I should move to the city, but I like my job, I like my town and I like my family. Dear Cary, I have several concurrent problems for you. Bet you can’t wait. Firstly, my job … I work in a small gas station as a cashier...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Apr 20, 2007 Accidents happen. He was inexperienced. But he’s not owning up. In fact he’s sort of acting like a dick! Cary, My longtime boyfriend and I went on a holiday in Colorado with a bunch of others, which included ice-climbing practice. My...
Cary, I’m dating a man but I’m uncomfortable with some of his behaviors. He is about eight years sober and attends Alcoholics Anonymous regularly. He and I dated about four years ago and I adored him but couldn’t tolerate some of his bad behavior so the relationship ended. He seems to have grown a lot in the last four years and I was excited and hopeful to give the relationship...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column fromWednesday, Nov 21, 2012 He was a terrible father and I want him out of my life Hi, Cary, Growing up, my dad was verbally and emotionally abusive. He became physically abusive toward my brother but stuck to mind games with my mother and me. In eighth...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column fromWednesday, Nov 10, 2010 I loaned them a large sum and they haven’t paid me back. Should I demand payment? Dear Cary, I am struggling with whether to ask my parents to repay a loan I made to them several years ago. I am a 40-year-old professional, living on...
Into my awareness a few weeks ago came this strange, unbidden thought: My reading is private. I don’t really want to talk with you about the books I love. I just want to love them in my own way. I mean, I like you and you’re interesting to me, but the reading I do is mine, all mine, and I don’t even all that much want to share it. Is that bad of me? The truth is full of paradox...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your column, particularly your relationship advice for so long that sometimes the stories mirror my own hopelessly romantic life with such accuracy I’m convinced a significant other wrote it. Thank you for sharing your insight in...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Aug 24, 2004 My husband keeps poisoning our son … and then he says, Whoops, I forgot! Dear Cary, I am very happily married, with three wonderful children my husband and I are both besotted with. My husband and I treat each other with genuine respect and...
Journalists are like firemen. They aren’t needed all the time. But when they’re needed, they’re needed fast and you need a lot of them. They have to do a lot of things all at once. And it helps if they know each other too, so they don’t fall all over each other and make a mess. I think the San Francisco City College closure threat makes it clear what happens when a city...
On Thursday nights I play music with some friends while my wife, Norma, takes a singing class at City College. Norma has taken classes there for years. She has studied painting, Russian, Italian and other things. City College has been a great life-enriching place for her. She is smart. She knows the value of a community college in a city as rich and varied as San Francisco. She has taken full...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hello Cary, I am writing on how to think about a new situation. Some background: I briefly “dated” a man back in 2005. It was a long distance thing since I met him on a trip in another country, so for better or worse, we were as best friends. When our...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 16, 2009 We’ve got Republicans, we’ve got liberals, and it’s getting ugly. Dear CT, Like many extended families, ours has people who live and breathe Republican doctrine, and people who are liberal. Since the early Bush years, we have given each...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 29, 2007 This guy does not respect me or notice me! What can I do? Dear Cary, I am in my late 20s and have, in the last three months, fallen deeply in love with a woman of approximately the same age, in the same neighborhood practically. We have a wonderful relationship and became strongly attached to each other almost immediately. I could see myself...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, About seven months ago, I was coming out of a really bad relationship with a younger guy who was an immature, boring freeloader. He also cheated on me with men and women, indiscriminately. As long as he was receiving attention, he was happy. After breaking...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 15, 2007 I’m aghast to find I’ll be sharing an office with a man whom — for good but confidential reasons — I utterly detest. Dear Cary, I need your perspective on an issue that may not have a solution that I will ever find satisfying … but here goes. I recently started working for a new employer and I have been very happy in...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Archival column from FRIDAY, JAN 18, 2008 03:38 AM PST My experience contradicts what I have been taught. I feel guilty and alone. Dear Reader, Please read this thoughtful, well-written question from a high school student and imagine growing up in her house with her parents...
Dear Cary: Thank you for bringing humaneness to advice columns. I hope you’ll consider taking time to help me figure out a problem. I was raised in a tribal culture where women keep things to themselves in order to keep others from worrying. I have trouble speaking to friends back home to help me work this out, and I am in a very rural area with no therapists close by. I do not have any...
Archival column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 9, 2008 Now I’m depressed and suicidal and very few people know why. Cary, I am unsure of how to articulate the reason I am writing you. There is an F. Scott Fitzgerald quote, “In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning.” I have been experiencing a soul-crushing depression that I can only utter through vague quotes and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, FEB 23, 2009 My boss and boyfriend say I act like I’m omniscient. Dear Cary: In the last 12 hours both my boyfriend and my boss have accused me of being a know-it-all (one of them did it politely and gave me a raise, but the other...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your letters for years, and usually I can find plenty of guidance through your responses to others. This time, I would like your thoughts directly. I am a divorced mom of an elementary school child. I was married for a long time, and got divorced...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 10, 2007 This couple is about to have a baby and there’s no room for me — but it’s my place! Dear Cary, About three years ago, a good friend of mine from college needed a place to live … fast. As it turned out, I...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 16, 2008 I refuse to apologize for taking a stand that is in the best interests of the company. Dear Cary, I am having a little difficulty knowing where the line dividing personal assistant and administrative staff lies. I’ve been harshly reprimanded for questioning or challenging a principal on a matter that I felt was an abuse of company resources and the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I work for a small office in a large organization. I like my job and I believe in the work we are doing. The problem is, I don’t like my co-workers. Or rather, they don’t like me. I work in a male-dominated field, so I’m used to being the odd woman out...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 5, 2008 I drank some wine, took my pills, boarded the plane and woke up on a gurney! Dear Cary, I am writing to you because I have been through what feels like a very traumatic experience and I need to find a way to put it behind me. Recently, I was on a flight from my local airport to another destination for work purposes. The flight was to be...
Cary’s classic column fromTHURSDAY, MAR 27, 2008 To disguise a neighbor’s less-than-pristine house, she planted a hedge on the other person’s land! Dear Cary, We live next door to an elderly lady who owns her home, and has for well over 40 years. The home has fallen into serious disrepair, and neither she nor her very ill live-at-home son can keep up with the maintenance...
Hi Cary, I am a big fan of your column. I am writing to ask you for your advice about a best friendship I have — or had, rather. We are 30-year-old women and when we met in middle school we became instant friends. Though we went to separate high schools and universities, we lived close enough that we hung out all through the years at least twice a month, often sleeping over at...
First, I’d like to give a shout out to the other featured writers, some of whom I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting at Cary’s first Creative Getaway. It’s good to see their faces again and inspiring to witness the success they’ve achieved with their writing. Going to the Creative Getaway and meeting Cary and Norma changed my life. I knew I wanted to do more with my writing but I didn’t...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, DEC 22, 2008 I’ve been dating her husband, but now she wants him back! Dear Cary, For the past seven months, I have been dating and falling in love with a man who is in the final stages of his divorce. After six years of marriage, it’s been a year and a half since they were together. Throughout their marriage she’d repeatedly cheated...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 1, 2006 Cary, I have a problem that I don’t know how to fix. Three years ago, a year after I became engaged, I lost my engagement ring. While I was camping with my fiancé and two friends, we decided to take a walk in the water by the beach. As a...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I wrote to you once about seven years ago — I was a faithful column reader before and until now. Your advice was spot on, and now I find myself in a heartbreaking situation that I hope you will shed your light on. My husband and I have been married for six years. We have...
Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 She berates! She glares! She makes backhanded comments about your lunch selection! Shouldn’t I, uh, say something? Dear Cary, My boss is insane. I know people say that a lot but I’m pretty sure I win. I recently started working for someone who I thought was an extravagant and eccentric designer, but instead I find out that she...