Dear Cary, I hate my family of origin. I recently discovered that I grew up in a mostly narcissistic family, with a narc mother who subtly but persistently projected her own guilt and shame and anger about her situation onto us, her six children. During those childhood years, we – my siblings and I – felt so much compassion for her suffering. It seemed like almost overnight our...
Dear Reader, I wrote “The Psychedelic Madness of Covid-19” for David Talbot, founder of Salon.com, and I think it’s the best piece I’ve written about my recovery from Covid-19. Read and enjoy! The podcast started out as an honest homage to David Talbot, but ended up being all about me, me, me! How I ended up working at Salon.com, how I learned everything I needed to know...
This is not an advice column. This is commentary. Robert Aaron Long, 21 years old, of Woodstock, Georgia, was arrested Tuesday in the murders of eight people, six of whom were women of Asian descent working in massage parlors. Initial media reports indicated that he claimed he did it because he was a sex addict. Sex addiction is not a trivial matter. But right now his claim feels like a...
Hi Folks! Wow, was I insane! This week’s podcast dives deep into the fantastical delirium I experienced in the intensive care unit of San Donato hospital in Arezzo, Italy. I’ll be publishing a longer prose version soon and will let you know when that is available. Also, this is the January 12, 2021 Smithsonian Magazine article I mention at about 1:20 into the podcast. But for now...
Dear reader, In Donald Trump, I see a man obsessed with death but unaware of his obsession with death. What clinched it was his recent rallies. They were literally invitations to infection. The life-affirming had become death-affirming, and the tragic gulf between Trump’s awareness and his actions was palpable. So I began to think about malignant narcissism and the death wish. I would love...
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 12, 2013 I live with an awful history, and sometimes it is too much for me Dear Cary, I am writing with a problem that makes my heart physically ache. Let me briefly lay the groundwork first, and then I will present the problem. I was married for almost 20 years to a man who had three children from his first marriage. We had three more ourselves, and I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 5, 2004 I thought my husband was stupid, but he’s just got attention deficit disorder. Dear Cary, I’m 40 years old, married for 19 years, with three boys ages 4, 8 and 14, who are constantly and completely amazing to me. I never finished college...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 4, 2007 I know what the issues are, but I can’t really deal with them. Dear Cary, Lately I’ve been very anxious about my father. I’ve been anxious about mortality and life goals, or how to live in general, but particularly as it concerns my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2005 We’ve been in counseling for about six months now, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting them. Dear Cary, You and other sage advice givers often recommend that people seek therapy for their problems, especially when a couple or family needs...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAR 11, 2004 I got engaged, then found out she is bipolar. How can I break it off with the least amount of hurt for both of us? Dear Cary, I am in my 30s and from a religious background where one only dates (limited to conversations over dinner or...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m ruining my relationship because I’m too quick to argue. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 8, 2005 Dear Cary, For as long as I can remember, I have been very bad at arguing with people. As soon as someone disagrees with me, I get angry because I feel attacked, like the other...
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 22, 2007 Someone took a dump on my early-’90s blue subcompact. I feel targeted and I don’t know what to do with my anger. Dear Cary, OK, so a couple of weeks ago, somebody took a big, runny dump on the hood of my car, parked on the street near my house. Gross. Really, really gross. I assumed it was just a disgusting yet random act, donned rubber gloves and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Apr 16, 2008 Now my life is all screwed up and nothing works. Dear Cary, I turn 31 in a couple of weeks, and I feel like I’m unable to get my life together. I thought I would’ve had things sorted out by now, but I don’t. I don’t feel a whole lot more...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, OCT 8, 2008 It’s taken me a long time to accept what my therapist has been pushing at — but I think I’m ready to act in my own interest. Dear Cary, I’m troubled. At long last, my therapist did something I sensed she meant to do a long time ago...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2005 My deceptions are elaborate and crazy but I can’t seem to stop. Dear Cary, I don’t really know what good this will do; I just think I need to tell someone, some soul, the truth about who I am. Ever since the 10th grade or so (I’m just...