Hi Cary, I have huge trust issues and it’s affecting my relationship with my partner of 3 years. My trust issues have stemmed from my childhood for many different reasons and to top it off, last year I found out my step dad had been abusing me. My partner has never given me a reason to not trust him. He says he has his morals and knows deep down he has never done anything wrong. His dad cheated...
Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Mar 13, 2011 The man I love is deceiving his wife and I think she should know what kind of man she’s married to Dear Cary, I fell in love with an amazing, complicated man. He has a young child with an ex and he was living in the United States illegally. And he had a girlfriend. We became friends gently, over a long period of time. I’ve never had such an...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 2, 2012 It was stupid, cruel and unsatisfying, and now I’m miserable Dear Cary, I really need you to tell me how to forgive myself, and how to carry on after I had an affair. I’m sorry if this ends up really long and please edit however you need to. Basically, I have been married for 15 years to a man who really is a fundamentally excellent person. We...
Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Jul 20, 2011 I thought I knew him. Then he loaded up his U-Haul Cary, I had a really boring suburban life for a long time, wishing that something would make it interesting. I had a good relationship with my family and I thought that my parents would stay together forever. Then we got hit with a hurricane. After the hurricane I spent a lot more time talking to...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 28, 2009 I tried to retrieve her photos from the Dumpster but they were gone! What have I done? Dear Cary, My girlfriend and I have been together for five years, and although the beginning was a bit rocky, things are great now. Our setbacks were mainly due to my commitment avoidance. So, we’ve been living together now for six months, and I’ve started to …...
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 23, 2010 A tragic death among deeply close friends: Her burial was like a ghost town Dear Cary, I want to say, first of all, that I am so happy to hear of your recovery. I always look forward to reading your thoughtful responses to letters. I have, perhaps, many things I’d like to ask for advice about but for now I will get to the most pressing and...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 25, 2004 My boyfriend and I decided we could kiss other people, but he went further. What should I do? Dear Cary, I have been with the same man for more than six years. We met in high school, our relationship survived college and living together as recent grads. About six months ago, my boyfriend moved to another city, five hours away. The long-distance...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 8, 2010 My husband and my brother are estranged because of a business deal Dear Cary, Earlier this year, around the time of your cancer diagnosis, you wrote about letting go of a long-held resentment. I am particularly interested in this topic because of a family conflict that has gone on for years in an understated way. Whenever it interferes with my life...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 14, 2004 I looked at my girlfriend’s text messages and found out she was in touch with an ex. Can we ever trust each other? Dear Cary, I have been in a relationship with a woman for a little over four months. In pretty much every respect, it has been absolutely incredible. We spend every night together, we share a lot of common interests, we are alike in...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, AUG 1, 2005 I’ve got this situation with my husband that’s really rough. Maybe I should move on? Dear Cary – My husband wants to go visit his lovers. And I’m strongly considering moving on. My husband has been cultivating a relationship with two men...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 17, 2012 I only got a generic notice, as if I were just a bystander, or an acquaintance! Dear Cary, It’s my turn. I need advice. I opened my mail earlier this week and found a wedding announcement — from my son. My son, whom I raised alone since he...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 16, 2008 I didn’t like him at first because he was treating her bad, but now I’ve got him under my skin. Dear Cary, My best friend got engaged to the father of her kids about four months ago. I didn’t like him because in the beginning of their...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m a wife, a mother and a doctoral candidate. I’m not the kind of person this happens to. What the hell am I doing? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, OCT 6, 2008 Hi Cary, I’m a 28-year-old doctoral student, wife and mother; it’s a life I would’ve described once as busy, happy and...
We were going to be married. I’m finally getting over the breakup when he calls and wants to be chummy! Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Sep 21, 2011 Dear Cary, About six months ago, the man I thought I was going to marry left me unceremoniously for another woman. During the aftermath — the moving out, the settling of affairs — he acted cruelly and horribly, cementing the split and making...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 10, 2009 I guess I’m guilty of conduct unbecoming a bridesmaid — but I thought she chose me for who I am Dear Cary, I was asked by a dear friend to be her maid of honor. I was immediately a little worried. I’m not into traditional wedding...
Hi! It’s me, Cary! How ya doin? I’m out of the pool eating toast and thinking about the novel. I’m committed to finishing by the end of May. I have it all planned out. It’s practically done! Finally. Plus yesterday I finished my application to Yaddo, thanks to my Finishing School commitment. It was a long day but I got it done before my 6pm writing coaching appointment...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 I shouldn’t have looked in her diary, but maybe it’s best that I did. Dear Cary, This summer, my girlfriend went to Central America for three months. She was in spotty contact with me the whole time, saying it was difficult to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, OCT 9, 2007 I’ve been a cheater since my very first boyfriend and no one has ever found out. Cary, I am a cheater. I’ve never had a boyfriend or husband that I didn’t cheat on. When I was younger, it would just be making out behind a boyfriend’s back;...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 8, 2005 I fathered a child when I was a screwed-up loser and kept it secret all these years. Dear Cary, Boy, did I screw up. About 13 years ago, I fell for a friend of my sister’s and got her pregnant. I was at this point in my life a loser. I had...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 9, 2005 I know he would have wanted to give me more money, but his will left everything to her. Dear Cary, I’m 34. My father passed away a year and half ago. He remarried when I was 15 but started dating my stepmom (SM) when I was 9. Dad and SM...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 13, 2007 We have three small children and I am devastated. Hi, I need desperate help, please. My husband died of cancer a week ago. The day after his funeral, I learned he’d been having Internet sex, which didn’t stop there. He met up with...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAR 19, 2003 I want my husband to write a letter to my future lovers, telling them that the demise of our marriage was his fault. Dear Cary, I don’t always agree with you, but I do think you are compassionate and nonjudgmental, two of the most...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Sep 12, 2007 What is she doing at my parents’ house when I’m not there? Dear Cary, I’ve known my best friend for 22 years, since we were 10. We grew up right across the street from each other. It has been one of those great...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Aug 7, 2007 I thought they were my friends, but they’ve been laughing at me all this time! Dear Cary, About a year ago I found out that five of the people on my campus, including my freshman roommate and a bunch of people I thought were my...