Hi Cary, I have huge trust issues and it’s affecting my relationship with my partner of 3 years. My trust issues have stemmed from my childhood for many different reasons and to top it off, last year I found out my step dad had been abusing me. My partner has never given me a reason to not trust him. He says he has his morals and knows deep down he has never done anything wrong. His dad cheated...
Dear Reader, I’m doing it again. I’m going long. In the past, in my blessed twelve years writing the advice column five days a week for Salon.com, the most commonly remarked-upon flaw in my work was my tendency to overwrite, to write long, to repeat myself, to go off on tangents (see what I mean?). My friend and mentor David Talbot, bless his soul, never gave me much trouble about it, perhaps...
WEDNESDAY, AUG 1, 2007 Men in their 40s keep breaking up with me because they want to have a baby. How selfish. Dear Cary, The third relationship in a row has ended because the man I was dating suddenly decided he wants children of his own. I’m 47 and the men were about my age. All said at the start they wanted a serious, long-term relationship, then Boom! They love me but I’m too old. I’m not...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 19, 2003 It was long-distance magic. But look! It’s fading! And he won’t say what happened! Dear Cary, It was the day before two terrifying exams, and there I was — flipping back and forth between my spreadsheets and the personals. It was an online browse, so idle that I hadn’t even searched: I was just looking for men who were looking for women and who...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAR 5, 2003 I am exhilarated by the chase, but once I catch the girl I lose interest. Dear Cary, I’ve realized slowly over the last few months that I am one of those guys who is exhilarated by the chase but disappointed by the prize. My relationships never last for more than a few months because I lose interest in the poor girls so quickly once they’ve been...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, FEB 29, 2008 I have two spaces and only one car — but that doesn’t mean you can just use my spot! Dear Cary, I’ve lived in the same condominium complex off and on since the mid-’80s. I live in my family home, which I bought from my mother when she recently remarried. For 20-odd years, my townhouse has been full of family members, but since I bought it a...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 24, 2007 I grew up dirt-poor, so I should be happy that my future husband has money, but I’m mad at him instead! Dear Cary, Hopefully you can help me sort out this weird contradiction inside me, which started shortly after becoming engaged. The man I am engaged to is everything I’ve always wanted to find, but after dating a long string of losers, I had...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 4, 2004 Can I stop him from going by pretending to come? Dear Cary, I am an attractive young woman who is married to a man I love and trust very much. I love sharing my life with my husband, coming home and telling stories of our day, cooking dinner together, going on trips together, laughing, bitching, cuddling, hiking, shopping, and having adventures...
Dear Cary, I met my girlfriend almost three years ago. She was married at the time. Things started casually. We flirted and maybe behaved inappropriately when no one was looking. Our flirting progressed, some playful touching and sometimes she’d teasingly pull her dress up a bit for a second or push her cleavage together for a quick tease. Eventually we began exchanging sexual text messages...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 30, 2007 They thought the baby would fix things, but he didn’t, so the dad split. Does that mean he’s no good? Dear Cary, Early this year, one of the greatest bright spots in my life occurred: I became an uncle. After 10 years of bleak family moments, we all finally had a moment of renewal. My older brother called me (I’m an expat and haven’t actually seen...