Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 7, 2004 I’m a healthy 26-year-old man and I’ve never had sex. Should I tell my girlfriend? Dear Cary, I’m a healthy 26-year-old male, normal in most ways physiologically and mentally. As far as I can tell, I’m a funny, bright guy people tend to gravitate toward, and I’m as sociable and interactive as anyone. I’ve never been especially big on the so-called...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 19, 2003 It was long-distance magic. But look! It’s fading! And he won’t say what happened! Dear Cary, It was the day before two terrifying exams, and there I was — flipping back and forth between my spreadsheets and the personals. It was an online browse, so idle that I hadn’t even searched: I was just looking for men who were looking for women and who...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, AUG 1, 2007 Men in their 40s keep breaking up with me because they want to have a baby. How selfish. Dear Cary, The third relationship in a row has ended because the man I was dating suddenly decided he wants children of his own. I’m 47 and the men were about my age. All said at the start they wanted a serious, long-term relationship, then Boom! They love me...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAR 5, 2003 I am exhilarated by the chase, but once I catch the girl I lose interest. Dear Cary, I’ve realized slowly over the last few months that I am one of those guys who is exhilarated by the chase but disappointed by the prize. My relationships never last for more than a few months because I lose interest in the poor girls so quickly once they’ve been...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 24, 2004 He pursued me, but then rejected me because my religion was “wrong.” Dear Cary, Do you think someone who is narrow-minded and bigoted can truly lead a happy and fulfilling life? And can this person be considered a “good” person if they are good in other ways? I went to an art exhibit/talk at a friend’s church. I was standing at the refreshment...
Cary’s classic column fromTUESDAY, APR 19, 2011 I get in and I get out. How can I slow down? Dear Cary, I have always been good at quick relationships. Any time I have wanted a boyfriend, I just started flirting and it wouldn’t take long before someone would invest in me. Relationships could start overnight if I just acted perfect enough. But they didn’t mean much when the truth came out. My...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 23, 2003 There’s a kind of girl I like, but I don’t seem to get anywhere with her because I don’t speak the “cool people” language. Dear Cary, It’s been about three years since I started messing around with the online personals, after a tough breakup. During that time there was a nine-month relationship with a girl I met through friends who was “nice” but...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, SEP 25, 2009 I’m tired of fooling around with guys who just want one thing Dear Cary, I’m still single at 32 and hate it. I absolutely want to find and fall in love with a man I can spend the rest of my life with. The problem is, I keep ruining things by sleeping with men too soon, often right away. And each time I make this mistake, I am left even more...
Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Jan 28, 2004 Why was I the cat’s meow on the fifth date and a sex buddy by the sixth? Dear Cary, So it’s happening again: Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Gets boy’s number. Girl and boy begin dating. Boy sends all of the “very interested” signals. Girl responds in kind. Incredible sex. Eye-gazing. Natural feeling, intelligent conversation. Then the sixth...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 6, 2008 Am I destined to be lonely? Do I pick the wrong men? Why am I still single? Dear Cary, I believe that I have lost my ability to trust my judgments on relationships. However, I still believe in love, and I have not given up all hope. Here is...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, NOV 12, 2003 I’m in love with her, she’s in love with him, and I feel like a confused, heartbroken sucker. Dear Cary, A few months ago, I had a one-night stand with a co-worker. She had recently been seeing another co-worker who broke her heart...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, OCT 11, 2005 Since divorce, life has been pretty swell, but now I want to settle down and be a mom. Dear Cary, I was violently thrust into the dating inferno after my divorce nearly six years ago. During that time I’ve run the gamut of interactions:...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Thursday, THURSDAY, JAN 30, 2003 My boyfriend promised we’d be engaged by Christmas but we weren’t. Should I let it go or move out? Dear Cary, I have been dating my boyfriend for four years, and living with him for most of that time. We started (I think...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not ready for cats and pottery class, but I don’t know how to deal with the fear. Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, FEB 7, 2006 Dear Cary, I find myself pondering the notion of dating again after the demise of a long-term relationship. I’m female and in my late 30s, and I find...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, NOV 23, 2009 I’m getting sick of being “the editor’s girlfriend” Dear Cary, I’m a college student and a reporter for my university’s paper. I’m a good writer — my work has shown up in publications beyond the university, and since arriving here I’ve...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Jun 5, 2011 Sure, I’m crazy — for him! But I botched my approach! Now how do I wriggle out? Dear Cary: I have been following your column for years. I hope you can help me — I need concrete advice, almost like a to-do list on what to do next. I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 25, 2009 We got caught making out and now my mom’s all like you have to break up with him if you want to keep living here Dear Cary, My name is V and I’m 18 years old. I have a boyfriend and he’s 18 years old too, but the situation here is that my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 16, 2009 I thought I liked this guy, but his message to me and the other woman he’s dating seemed pretty tacky. Dear Cary, I value your advice and read your column all the time. Anyway, after a long hiatus, I dove into the dating pool. I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 3, 2012 We date for six weeks and then they say, “There’s no spark” Hi Cary, I enjoy reading your responses because they are honest and very heartfelt, and – I hope this doesn’t sound over the top — they’re often quite...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Monday, Jun 21, 2004 Is it possible to go out with two women at the same time and get away with it? Dear Cary, I’m in a bind: After going a couple of years without a serious relationship, I recently met two very cool women in the course of two days. Gal...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 27, 2006 I like this guy a lot, but the poundage is a turnoff. Dear Cary, Currently I’m dating a man who just won’t leave my consciousness, not for a moment. I think of him all the time. He’s pretty special. My problem is this: This...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, I am seeing a great guy, but things have recently become very ambiguous between us and I’m not sure the best course of action for me. We were dating for a little over two months, it was a slowly deepening fantastic and mature relationship, and I care for him...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column Tuesday, NOV 4, 2003 10:29 AM PST I had a crush on a colleague, and now she wants to be friends, but I don’t. How do I get rid of her? Dear Cary, I’m a Salon reader from Mexico and I enjoy reading your column very much. Now I need your advice. I am a medical...
Cary, I’m dating a man but I’m uncomfortable with some of his behaviors. He is about eight years sober and attends Alcoholics Anonymous regularly. He and I dated about four years ago and I adored him but couldn’t tolerate some of his bad behavior so the relationship ended. He seems to have grown a lot in the last four years and I was excited and hopeful to give the relationship...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your column, particularly your relationship advice for so long that sometimes the stories mirror my own hopelessly romantic life with such accuracy I’m convinced a significant other wrote it. Thank you for sharing your insight in...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, About seven months ago, I was coming out of a really bad relationship with a younger guy who was an immature, boring freeloader. He also cheated on me with men and women, indiscriminately. As long as he was receiving attention, he was happy. After breaking...
Dear Cary: Thank you for bringing humaneness to advice columns. I hope you’ll consider taking time to help me figure out a problem. I was raised in a tribal culture where women keep things to themselves in order to keep others from worrying. I have trouble speaking to friends back home to help me work this out, and I am in a very rural area with no therapists close by. I do not have any...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your letters for years, and usually I can find plenty of guidance through your responses to others. This time, I would like your thoughts directly. I am a divorced mom of an elementary school child. I was married for a long time, and got divorced...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I am writing to you because I feel like I have landed myself in a situation where it is impossible for me to maintain either my happiness or my integrity, and I am hoping that you will be able to give some firm yet sympathetic advice. I have often read your column when it was...
Hello Cary, I’ve been reading your columns for a year or so. In fact, it was my ex who introduced me to your column. She also introduced me to lots of other wonderful things, like the benefits of going for a walk in the woods and how therapy can be helpful to people who don’t particularly think they need it. I loved her and I do love her. She is beautiful, and she is in love...
Dear reader, I had been thinking about forgiveness, and gratitude, and certain aspects of my own personality that are maddeningly perverse, and how boring I’ve become, and how hard it is to install a new piece of software, and how much we miss the dogs, and novelistic structure, and how we need to fill the January getaway, and the books I’m reading which I have opinions about, and how...