[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, Caitlyn Jenner recently made the poignant comment that, had she not transitioned, when the time came for her to die (as a man), she would have lain on her deathbed and thought, “I have blown my entire life.” I cannot stop thinking about that; it haunts me daily...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] She and I slept in the same bed. Her boyfriend wants an apology. But nothing happened! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 7, 2005 Dear Cary, My best friend (a woman) met a man last summer whom she is now living with in another state and will most likely marry in the next couple...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Aug 3, 2010 I do not love this cat. I do not like this cat. I want to slap this cat. Can’t I send it back, this cat? Dear Cary, I recently adopted a young cat from the animal shelter. She’s very sweet and loving and is really not all that badly...
I know it’s inevitable, but I can’t imagine how to get through it Dear Cary, I’m writing because I love your advice and follow your column avidly. I don’t have the time or focus to make this pithy. I’ve always envisioned writing you a clever and insightful letter someday, and this ain’t it. In a nutshell: I just learned my mother has a deadly cancer, her second round in two years. Despite what...
It’s strange, isn’t it, the ideas we get as children that we carry into adulthood, ideas we keep secret, ideas that keep us from doing certain things like dancing or singing or speaking in public, that keep us from even admitting that we cannot do something or do not know something? Isn’t it strange how we will make up a story to cover up, like, Oh, I don’t dance, or Oh...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not ready for cats and pottery class, but I don’t know how to deal with the fear. Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, FEB 7, 2006 Dear Cary, I find myself pondering the notion of dating again after the demise of a long-term relationship. I’m female and in my late 30s, and I find...
I fear I lack common sense in life, and this affects my performance. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 24, 2008 Dear Cary, How does one build common sense? I’m a 31-year-old who has been plagued for most of my adult life with this problem. I’m a software engineer by trade, but I really love the theoretical aspects more than the practical aspects: algorithms and design as opposed to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I could not have stayed in my country of birth, but I feel like my life in America is just unlucky Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 1, 2010 Dear Cary, I am so glad you are back. Thank you for still caring deeply for others while you are battling your health issues. I really need...
10) Rudely talk over her. 9) Ignore her and when she doesn’t go away keep ignoring her until nightfall. 8) Listen to her and look for possible kernels of truth in what she says. 7) Regard her with mute compassion as a split-off part of the self. 6) Get used to what she’s saying and tune her out like a bad radio. 5) Pause in your writing until she has had her full say and then continue...
Dear Cary, I’ve been off and on, but mostly on, alcohol for over 20 years. Currently on. About eight months ago, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend I’ve known since kindergarten. We’ve stayed close through the years but I was rather surprised by the request. Come to find out this will be a lavish affair; I am one of 12 bridesmaids and God knows how many other members...
Dear … I thought of you just now. I am sitting in this renovated 13th-century Italian convent between Rome and Florence, a short walk up from the train station, and your face drifted into view. There were a lot of people here for ten days but they all left on the train today. I suppose suddenly being alone was one reason I thought of you. There had been little time to really think. Now I am...
My first boyfriend is no dime, plus he broke my heart — but I feel the old attraction Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Sep 2, 2010 Hi Cary, I’m an avid reader of your column and on more then one occasion have been found at my desk nodding and pointing in agreement with your thoughtful advice. So I thought you would be perfect for this problem. I’m 24 and have been in a “serious”...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Is it just me, or is the world seriously not living up to its potential? Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, NOV 5, 2009 Dear Cary, I have decided to start keeping a journal, beginning each new entry, “Dear Cary.” It seems to propel my writing in a focused way. Unfortunately, not so...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I wanted to be the bride but I don’t like being the wife. Now I face the toughest decision of my life. Cary’s classic column from Friday, Aug 15, 2008 Dear Cary, I am a 25-year-old woman with two dogs and a sad marriage. I’ve been married going on three years and for the past one year or...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] My charismatic ex married a pretty young thing Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 13, 2011 After 13 years and two kids, we still weren’t even married. So I’m burned but I’m not even the ex-wife Dear Cary, First of all, I want to tell you that I’ve been reading your column for...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m ruining my relationship because I’m too quick to argue. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 8, 2005 Dear Cary, For as long as I can remember, I have been very bad at arguing with people. As soon as someone disagrees with me, I get angry because I feel attacked, like the other...
Is it the restraint of love? Is it reverence? Amid the effervescent joy of buildings that look like music; the muscular formality of a 50-foot-high gate on an ancient wall; the fleeting intoxication of wafting jasmine: Why, exactly, amid these things, do I feel the contrary impulses to stop and snap an iPhoto yet not snap an iPhoto? It’s reverence is what it is, no? Reverential surrender...
Kids are beautiful in cities. They ain’t been ground up yet. There’s harmonicas. After grueling San Francisco-Paris-Florence flight we ride the tiny Pensione Crocini elevator to the tall windows on the courtyard, wash, nap, then espresso at the cafe and luxuriating in the beautiful visual rhythm of the Italianate style, the beautiful rhythm of spring on the Arno, which is rushing past...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] There are certain signs that I have a problem with alcohol, but nothing terrible has happened so far. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2005 Dear Cary, You write so eloquently about alcoholism and drinking problems in so many of your columns that I hope you can help me. I’m...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m involved with a married woman who has been abused by her husband. What should I do? Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Feb 3, 2004 Dear Cary, I recently got involved with a married woman. We had been good friends for quite some time. There was an immediate emotional connection upon...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m a wife, a mother and a doctoral candidate. I’m not the kind of person this happens to. What the hell am I doing? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, OCT 6, 2008 Hi Cary, I’m a 28-year-old doctoral student, wife and mother; it’s a life I would’ve described once as busy, happy and...
I don’t know how to settle down. But I’m almost 30 and don’t want to waste my life! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, OCT 3, 2008 Dear Cary, I’ve written to so many advice columnists and no one ever answers. I am plagued by problems — for years. In general, what the hell is the deal with me? I was so blithe and great and happy in childhood — but ever since I was, oh, 15, things have gone...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a gay person of color, but he’s against the minimum wage! Cary’s classic column from Sunday, THURSDAY, JUL 21, 2005 Dear Cary, I have been at my current position as an attorney at a law firm for less than a year. Although I work at a rather typical big law firm, I am a committed...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Oct 10, 2010 Drawn to a younger woman, I fear I’ll make a fool of myself Dear Cary, I am a man in my late 50s. I’ve been married for over 30 years and still love my wife deeply, although our marriage is largely sexless. However, recently I’ve become...
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, NOV 23, 2009 I’m getting sick of being “the editor’s girlfriend” Dear Cary, I’m a college student and a reporter for my university’s paper. I’m a good writer — my work has shown up in publications beyond the university, and since arriving here I’ve...
We were going to be married. I’m finally getting over the breakup when he calls and wants to be chummy! Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Sep 21, 2011 Dear Cary, About six months ago, the man I thought I was going to marry left me unceremoniously for another woman. During the aftermath — the moving out, the settling of affairs — he acted cruelly and horribly, cementing the split and making...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know he’s screwed up, but as a little girl I idolized him Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 25, 2009 Dear Cary, This is an epically long letter — sorry. To some extent, I just needed to put it all down on paper so I could get a grip on it: see the patterns and find some coherence...
I’m doing the kind of work I love, but he’s earning so much more! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 16, 2006 Dear Cary, How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers. I love my job and feel that I am well suited for it; unfortunately, the pay is...
I’m suicidal a year after my miscarriage. Nothing helps Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAY 31, 2012 Dear Cary, What happens when therapy doesn’t work? I’ve battled most of my life with depression, the causes of which are probably not of very much importance (absent alcoholic father, frequent moving, mentorless young adulthood, spotty employment, fear of commitment, and the crowning insult...
I’m a well-educated and intelligent woman, but childhood trauma has brought me to the edge of madness. Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 10, 2005 Dear Cary, Ostensibly, I am a relatively well-educated, intelligent woman. I had a rough childhood. I was abused as a child; my usual punishment was caning, but my mother also pulled my hair and boxed my ears. I grew up minimizing the abuse. I was...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He accosted her on the street and forced her into his car. She went to the police and they did nothing Cary’s classic column from Thursday, May 24, 2012 Dear Cary, My younger sister is a 21-year-old college student who is “trapped” in an abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend, who is...
Dear Cary: I am writing to you for writing advice, more specifically, if it’s ever a good idea to write a fictional story based on an event that has happened in the author’s personal life. Let me be more specific. For the past six months, I have been the victim of cyberstalking. It began as a flirtation in an online chatroom and transformed into an obsession with me that involved the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 10, 2009 I guess I’m guilty of conduct unbecoming a bridesmaid — but I thought she chose me for who I am Dear Cary, I was asked by a dear friend to be her maid of honor. I was immediately a little worried. I’m not into traditional wedding...