Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 30, 2008 Every time I start to do my assignment, I find myself surfing the Web instead! Dear Cary, I am taking a creative nonfiction writing course, and I’m supposed to be working on a piece about what I ate for breakfast. The problem is, every time I sit down at the computer to work, I start compulsively reading the election coverage online, sometimes...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I have an offer to study in the Arctic, but I’d have to leave my boyfriend behind. Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 2, 2006 Dear Cary, I am at a crossroads in life and it is difficult. I have been working since high school, building my résumé. I finished my Ph.D., and have had a...
My friend saw the second plane hit. Does that give him a superior view of global politics? Cary’s classic column Monday, Sep 20, 2010 Dear Cary, A good friend of mine, let’s call him Joe, witnessed the second plane hit the building on Sept. 11. He shares his stories about huddling in a building lobby with others as the debris and dust came down around them and shared stories of people crying and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know what to do and how to do it but I’m paralyzed! Soon my whole work life is going to come crashing down! (Cary’s classic column from Friday, March 7, 2008) Dear Cary, It may be too late for me. I’m committing professional suicide. I see exactly what I’m doing, and I can’t stop...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a Vietnam vet and a retired civil servant. Now his mind’s been warped by Fox News! He’s gone Obama-nuts! (Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 19, 2010) Dear Cary, I am writing because I am feeling more and more estranged from my father in the last few years, and I would like...
She puts me down, she pops in, she meddles, she scorns, she does the backhanded compliment … need some help here! Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I am not one for hate or grudges. I dislike how they make me feel. Despite my flaws, I have always had a great capacity for empathy. This is perhaps why it is so distressing to me that I have finally found someone I have...
10) Surrender. There’s no escape. 9) Never spent this much time restarting the network; maybe it’s the Second Coming. 8) “That is correct, sir. Thank you very much for that, sir” starts to sound like a yogic chant. 7) Not so much time on hold; it’s all time spent actually talking to actual people about possibly nonexistent things. 6) Saying “sorry, I gotta...
Should I pick up and move four hours away to be with the man I love? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I have to make a decision and I need your help. Decisions have never been my forte, but for the past 11 years I’ve been able to make them pretty well because I had a kid. When you have a kid you make decisions that will help the kid. As much as possible. So I went back...
I am a New Yorker living like a prisoner in London. Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 29, 2007 Dear Cary, I’m American. My husband is Russian. We’re in our 30s, married about two and a half years, and live in London, where my husband is pursuing a Ph.D. We got married so I could stay here with him — in other words, my five-year residency here with permission to work is based on our marriage...
My husband and he have so much in common — but his beliefs are pernicious and wrong! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 3, 2008 Dear Cary, My husband and I live in a small town in the same rural area of northern New England where he grew up. I grew up in a suburban setting in southern New England, but I have lived here my entire adult life — more than three decades now. (I’m 49, my...
Dear Cary, I’m a young woman who moved to the US a few years ago to do my PhD (I am currently in another country for a post-doc). I’m in a very difficult situation, I feel so desperate and depressed, like there’s no way out. For more than 2 years I have been in a relationship with a married man, who was my PhD advisor (I eventually switched advisors so that he wouldn’t...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I take care of everything, but who takes care of me? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, FEB 28, 2005 Dear Cary, I’m a woman living in a Franken-family of six: my partner, his two kids and my two kids. The kids are never here all at once but are here almost every day in some...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m engaged, but I think my future mother-in-law may ruin my life. What should I do? (Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, NOV 7, 2003) Dear Cary, A recently married friend of mine told me that getting a mother-in-law is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat — either it is fluffy and sweet or...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAY 19, 2008 He remarried, he moved, and now all his savings are gone! Dear Cary, I recently returned from a trip to Las Vegas where my father gave me news that made me furious. I’m not really prone to anger, which makes this even more surprising. My...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 31, 2005 Should I break it off now and look for a man who wants to raise a family? Dear Cary, I’m a 31-year-old smart, cute, funny, perennially happy physician who is in love with a 38-year-old chemistry professor. He is everything I want in a man...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 4, 2008 He seems to believe that when I travel I must be sleeping with my boss. Dear Cary, I married my second husband in 2002, just a couple of months after completing chemo treatments for ovarian cancer. We’d been together a year and a...
Dear Reader, Today is Wednesday. Wednesday is advice-column-writing day. Usually I write a column by answering a letter from someone looking for advice. Today is a little different. I have a friend who is dying. He hasn’t asked me for advice and I haven’t offered any. But all I can think about is how this friend of mine is dying. I could try to answer a letter on another topic. But...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 I’m finally ready to deal with a long-lost love, but a recent breakup seems to be all I can think about. Dear Cary, I recently went through a breakup of a very short affair. Three months after it began it was completely over, by her choice...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, OCT 14, 2011 I may seem like I’m OK, but I’m hiding in my dorm room crying Dear Cary, I have been wanting to write to you for a while, but I always put it off because I think I can fix it myself or that the feeling will pass. As time wears on, I no...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, APR 3, 2008 I’m 21, female, and I don’t know how to talk to people! Dear Cary, I’ve recently come to the realization that I have no natural social skills. This is not really much of a surprise, considering I spent most of my childhood wondering if my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, It’s been over a year since I moved from my childhood home. It’s been sold–the only home I knew for 20 years. Before I left, I read your advice column on letting go of your childhood home. It helped, and I did sit on my porch, and I wrote a letter and placed...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 3, 2009 They’ll drive us crazy if we stay. We want to move to Colorado! Dear Cary, This is hardly a new topic, but here goes. My husband and I have been married about a year and a half. We met, instantly fell in love and got married a short time...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, The theme of my letter is no different from the ones you probably receive by the dozens every day. I have gone through your site every morning devouring citations by troubled souls. But even when I spot some common patterns, I’m not sure why I feel my own problem is unique...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 31, 2007 My friend’s father is just one more reason feminism exists — but can we say that? Dear Cary, I have been friends with my best friend since we were 15 years old; we united because we both had crazy-ass parents. Hers was an abusive...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Jun 5, 2011 Sure, I’m crazy — for him! But I botched my approach! Now how do I wriggle out? Dear Cary: I have been following your column for years. I hope you can help me — I need concrete advice, almost like a to-do list on what to do next. I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 5, 2005 To stay in the country, he needs someone to sponsor him. Dear Cary, A friend of mine is in the U.S. on a work visa, and has recently married an American citizen. They married for all the right reasons — undying devotion, etc. — but an added...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 24, 2007 I’m already raising two kids of my own. Should I divorce her and go it alone? Dear Cary, About a month ago, I discovered my wife of one year had had a fling with a co-worker that she initiated. I found out, I’m ashamed to say, by...
Is it appropriate, in a work of autofiction, to ask, Which part is the fiction? I think it is. Because of how people read. The great thing about fiction is it frees the author of the ethical considerations of autobiography and memoir. When people read something that’s about something that actually happened they read one way. When they read about something that’s not supposed to have...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, FEB 28, 2006 His relatives talk about “fags” and say girls in miniskirts deserve to be raped. Dear Cary, I have met a lovely guy at last after years of being single or dating disastrous men. I am now happy and secure and this man wants to marry me and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 30, 2003 My boyfriend promised we’d be engaged by Christmas but we weren’t. Should I let it go or move out? Dear Cary, I have been dating my boyfriend for four years, and living with him for most of that time. We started (I think mutually) to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 20, 2005 I didn’t want to start a fight, so I told her it wasn’t so bad. But I hate what she’s doing. What should I do? Dear Cary, I am trying to be a good liberal parent who stays aware of what her 16-year-old daughter...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 22, 2007 Someone took a dump on my early-’90s blue subcompact. I feel targeted and I don’t know what to do with my anger. Dear Cary, OK, so a couple of weeks ago, somebody took a big, runny dump on the hood of my car, parked on the street near my house. Gross. Really, really gross. I assumed it was just a disgusting yet random act, donned rubber gloves and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Mar 8, 2005 I’d like to stop drinking, but does that mean completely? All week long? Dear Cary, It seems like every other letter you answer has implications of alcoholism. The common theme that I see in your letters is that people can get by...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 15, 2010 I’m afraid to go into the bathroom, because of things that happened in childhood Dear Cary, You recently wrote about when “to change your life.” I think I’m there now. And it isn’t a problem with my problem that I’m writing about. Where I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, I hope you’ll remember what this is about. I wrote last year about falling in love with the wrong person at college, an atheist Jew, the polar opposite of what my conservative Muslim family has always wanted for me. I wrote about worrying about telling my parents, and...