[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Monday, Mar 12, 2012 I’ve never told anyone what my dad did to me when I was 10. Should I just keep it bottled up? Dear Cary, Well first of all, man, I’ve never done something like this, ever, so it’s kinda scary. But here’s the deal. I’m a guy...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I love reading your column. You write straight to the point with witty remarks yet underline it with great depth and advice. I’m in desperate need of advice. So, here goes. I’m in my late twenties, done a lot of introspection and I’ve finally...
Cary’s classic column from Sep 3, 2009 They’ll drive us crazy if we stay. We want to move to Colorado! Dear Cary, This is hardly a new topic, but here goes. My husband and I have been married about a year and a half. We met, instantly fell in love and got married a short time later. We are in our mid-30s and know ourselves well, so there was no reason to wait. And we are crazy happy with...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Thursday, May 26, 2005 He’s had some tough blows lately, but I’m concerned he’s really losing it. Dear Cary, My younger brother, 40, is an anxious, depressed social recluse. He lives with his dog in a basement apartment alone. He never answers...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I was born in the States to a conservative Muslim Indian family. My mother, younger brothers and I moved back when I was around 11, while my (very religious) dad stayed on as a small business owner and came to see us three to four times a year. I came back to the States...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, This is the second time I write to you. I don’t want to take advantage of you, but your advice has given me such a wise and comforting, yet concrete external point of view through which looking at my problem that helped me a lot, and I really look up to your...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Reader, I thought that every time I do a column I would write something but today I don’t really want to write anything about myself. I really do not like writing about myself. Or do I? Actually, what happens is that initially writing about myself is frustrating because I do...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 25, 2007 By the time you read this, she’ll probably be gone. Why couldn’t I be by her side? Dear Cary, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and need advice. So here I am. I’ll cut to the point: My 63-year-old mother will most likely be deceased by the time you receive this. After a number of years battling multiple sclerosis, the drugs...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary – My ex and I divorced 7 years ago. He instigated it. Although I knew he was dissatisfied with where he was at in life, it completely took me by surprise that he was unhappy enough in the relationship to want out. After he said he wanted to split, I went...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column Tuesday, JUL 21, 2003 What do I owe him? Dear Cary, Last year I went to visit a divorce lawyer, having finally got up the nerve to end a 29-year marriage (I’m 49) to a physically and emotionally abusive man. I had been seeing a wonderful man for some time, and we...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 20, 2005 A snafu on bridesmaids dresses resulted in a refund to the bride — but she never passed it on to the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. Dear Cary, A little over a month ago, I was one of eight bridesmaids in my brother’s wedding. The...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, Your column spoke to a writer’s heart. It encouraged. It gave strength. It had passion and power. It would be lovely if you would continue to offer advice. That said, I need some support and advice. I’m in the midst of a contentious divorce. Friends started...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column fromWednesday, Nov 21, 2012 He was a terrible father and I want him out of my life Hi, Cary, Growing up, my dad was verbally and emotionally abusive. He became physically abusive toward my brother but stuck to mind games with my mother and me. In eighth...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column fromWednesday, Nov 10, 2010 I loaned them a large sum and they haven’t paid me back. Should I demand payment? Dear Cary, I am struggling with whether to ask my parents to repay a loan I made to them several years ago. I am a 40-year-old professional, living on...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Aug 24, 2004 My husband keeps poisoning our son … and then he says, Whoops, I forgot! Dear Cary, I am very happily married, with three wonderful children my husband and I are both besotted with. My husband and I treat each other with genuine respect and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 16, 2009 We’ve got Republicans, we’ve got liberals, and it’s getting ugly. Dear CT, Like many extended families, ours has people who live and breathe Republican doctrine, and people who are liberal. Since the early Bush years, we have given each...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 29, 2007 This guy does not respect me or notice me! What can I do? Dear Cary, I am in my late 20s and have, in the last three months, fallen deeply in love with a woman of approximately the same age, in the same neighborhood practically. We have a wonderful relationship and became strongly attached to each other almost immediately. I could see myself...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Archival column from FRIDAY, JAN 18, 2008 03:38 AM PST My experience contradicts what I have been taught. I feel guilty and alone. Dear Reader, Please read this thoughtful, well-written question from a high school student and imagine growing up in her house with her parents...
Dear Cary: Thank you for bringing humaneness to advice columns. I hope you’ll consider taking time to help me figure out a problem. I was raised in a tribal culture where women keep things to themselves in order to keep others from worrying. I have trouble speaking to friends back home to help me work this out, and I am in a very rural area with no therapists close by. I do not have any...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your letters for years, and usually I can find plenty of guidance through your responses to others. This time, I would like your thoughts directly. I am a divorced mom of an elementary school child. I was married for a long time, and got divorced...
Hi Cary, I am a big fan of your column. I am writing to ask you for your advice about a best friendship I have — or had, rather. We are 30-year-old women and when we met in middle school we became instant friends. Though we went to separate high schools and universities, we lived close enough that we hung out all through the years at least twice a month, often sleeping over at...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, DEC 22, 2008 I’ve been dating her husband, but now she wants him back! Dear Cary, For the past seven months, I have been dating and falling in love with a man who is in the final stages of his divorce. After six years of marriage, it’s been a year and a half since they were together. Throughout their marriage she’d repeatedly cheated...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I wrote to you once about seven years ago — I was a faithful column reader before and until now. Your advice was spot on, and now I find myself in a heartbreaking situation that I hope you will shed your light on. My husband and I have been married for six years. We have...
Cary’s archival column from FRIDAY, SEP 28, 2007 My future husband’s 38-year-old brother and his pregnant 20-year-old girlfriend: Yikes! Dear Cary, I am thrilled to be getting married this spring to a wonderful man. My fiancé proposed last winter, and we have been planning our wedding for over a year. This is a big deal for us. We started dating in 1999, and have lived together...
Walking up to the cafe on Thursday morning the day before the Mavericks surf contest down the road at Pillar Point, remembering last night’s weather news about the buoys going off along the coast, watching the big surf, and I see a guy walking up the beach with half his board under each arm. “That’s not a good sign,” I say. “I’m just glad I got to shore,”...
My father died. My mom has Alzheimer’s. My brother wears his trousers too high. Cary’s archival column from MAY 1, 2011 Dear Cary, I love my brother dearly. We’re 13 months apart, but I feel like he’s my twin. We survived our parents’ horrible marriage. We’ve both been very successful and have accumulated quite a bit of wealth, so we live comfy lives. I left my birth state to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s archival column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 4, 2012 Unemployment is making me depressed I lost my job, came back to my hometown and now I’m lost Dear Cary, I’ve been reading your column for about a year now, and really believe you might have some words of...
Dear reader, Below is another of our favorite holiday columns. And, as always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Norma and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Should I tell her the truth — to save her from the derision of her friends, if nothing else? Hi Cary, I will be the first to admit that this may seem like a lame problem...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. And if you would like to help support this endeavor, feel free to make a donation. I’ve asked my family to write but they say they’re too busy. Dear Cary, Happy holidays; hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been reading your column for a long time and respect your advice, so I’m seeking some...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Dear Cary, I am 30 years old and have been with my wonderful boyfriend for over a year. I really think he is the love of my life, we get along greatly, and we have projects for a life together, although everything for now is limited to words and dreams, because we haven’t the financial opportunity to marry...
Visiting my family gets me down Every time I see them I’m depressed for a week [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, First, thank you for being persistent with your crazy wisdom, and for not giving up. I enjoy your column. I need a new way to think about this situation, and I’m hoping you can help...
Dear Cary, Last year, at the age of 29, I was diagnosed with a rare kind of thyroid cancer. I was halfway through graduate studies and was just about to embark on a year of research as a student, in Central Asia, where I wanted to explore a new region, do some neat environmental work, and enjoy the adventure. A quick recap: a handful of days before my plane took off from a city in North America...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I’m a recovering alcoholic, married with two teenagers and a mild in-law problem that really bothers me during the holidays. To some degree, what I am struggling with is naming why my holiday situation bothers me so much. May I bend your ear? My in-laws are nice...
Dear reader, I had been thinking about forgiveness, and gratitude, and certain aspects of my own personality that are maddeningly perverse, and how boring I’ve become, and how hard it is to install a new piece of software, and how much we miss the dogs, and novelistic structure, and how we need to fill the January getaway, and the books I’m reading which I have opinions about, and how...