Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, SEP 25, 2009 I’m tired of fooling around with guys who just want one thing Dear Cary, I’m still single at 32 and hate it. I absolutely want to find and fall in love with a man I can spend the rest of my life with. The problem is, I keep ruining things by sleeping with men too soon, often right away. And each time I make this mistake, I am left even more...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, FEB 21, 2006 She says I must either accept the situation 100 percent or forget being maid of honor. Dear Cary, I have a very good friend who is getting married soon. She’s smart, funny, talented, beautiful and successful. We’ve been friends for about 12 years (since high school) and we’ve always had the label “best friends” on our relationship, although we’ve...
Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Apr 23, 2013 People are saying untrue things about me for no apparent reason Dear Cary, A few months ago, I got a new supervisor at work. I was excited because this is someone I’ve known for years, and have even considered a mentor in the past. Unfortunately, I had a string of personal losses in the past few months — deaths and major illnesses of loved...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 9, 2005 We’d like to stay together, but I’m not sure I could handle the rift that would create. Dear Cary, I am a bright, personable woman in my late 20s who works full-time in a law firm and attends graduate school part-time. I am in love with a man who is a decade older than I am, a struggling musician and carpenter who has also found some very creative...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 22, 2008 02:50 AM PDT He thought he’d be returning home to die. But she just strung him along until he was gone. Dear Cary: My elderly father had been ill. After improving, he went directly from the hospital into a nursing home. We never told him he was never coming home. My mother said keeping up some sort of illusion of his eventual return was a way to...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, DEC 14, 2007 I seem to be OK on the outside, but inside … you don’t even want to know. Dear Cary, I have never written to an advice column before, and I chose you because although I sometimes disagree with your advice, I find I can never predict what that advice will be based on the advisee’s letter. Here’s my problem: I secretly hate myself. I know why...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, APR 12, 2004 I am going to marry a man I love, but he says if I gain a lot of weight he might leave me. Dear Cary, I am engaged to a fantastic person. For the first time I feel I am with someone who loves me for who I am, and not for who they want me to be. He loves it all, the good and the ugly, and that leaves me feeling very at ease in this relationship. I...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUN 25, 2003 I view affection as a remedy for stress. My wife views the removal of all stress as a prerequisite to affection. Dear Cary, I have been married for eight years now and my love life is in dire straits. When I say “love life,” I mean the whole package, not just sex. Hugs, kisses, casual brushes, smiles, compliments. When I look back, I wonder if I...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 28, 2009 I tried to retrieve her photos from the Dumpster but they were gone! What have I done? Dear Cary, My girlfriend and I have been together for five years, and although the beginning was a bit rocky, things are great now. Our setbacks were mainly due to my commitment avoidance. So, we’ve been living together now for six months, and I’ve started to …...
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 23, 2010 A tragic death among deeply close friends: Her burial was like a ghost town Dear Cary, I want to say, first of all, that I am so happy to hear of your recovery. I always look forward to reading your thoughtful responses to letters. I have, perhaps, many things I’d like to ask for advice about but for now I will get to the most pressing and...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, DEC 12, 2007 If we move in together, should I buy a safe? Hi Cary, I recently escaped a long-term (by today’s standards), abusive marriage. I’ve done remarkably well for myself, I think, and I feel like I have my shit together. I became reacquainted with an old friend about a year after my divorce, and we became a couple. He’s everything my ex was not: kind...
Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Jan 28, 2004 Why was I the cat’s meow on the fifth date and a sex buddy by the sixth? Dear Cary, So it’s happening again: Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Gets boy’s number. Girl and boy begin dating. Boy sends all of the “very interested” signals. Girl responds in kind. Incredible sex. Eye-gazing. Natural feeling, intelligent conversation. Then the sixth...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 25, 2004 My boyfriend and I decided we could kiss other people, but he went further. What should I do? Dear Cary, I have been with the same man for more than six years. We met in high school, our relationship survived college and living together as recent grads. About six months ago, my boyfriend moved to another city, five hours away. The long-distance...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 15, 2009 My mother and my boyfriend want to tell me how many pills to take Dear Cary, When I was 18, I had my first kidney stone. I had lithotripsy for another at 19 and a very serious bacterial infection in my kidney in between. I am now 25, and have spent seven years with intermittent pain and urinary tract infections. In the past year, the pain has...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 8, 2010 My husband and my brother are estranged because of a business deal Dear Cary, Earlier this year, around the time of your cancer diagnosis, you wrote about letting go of a long-held resentment. I am particularly interested in this topic because of a family conflict that has gone on for years in an understated way. Whenever it interferes with my life...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 14, 2004 I looked at my girlfriend’s text messages and found out she was in touch with an ex. Can we ever trust each other? Dear Cary, I have been in a relationship with a woman for a little over four months. In pretty much every respect, it has been absolutely incredible. We spend every night together, we share a lot of common interests, we are alike in...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAR 19, 2004 As you mature, are you more able to love and trust, or do you become bitter from the pain? Dear Cary, Do you think that people become more or less capable of love and trust as they grow older? I’ve thought about this often, both in the context of relationships I have been in and in general with respect to the human condition. Sometimes I think that...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 28, 2004 I’ve been a wife for a week, but I already feel taken for granted. Dear Cary, Well, well, well, here I am, barely married a week. He’s the most kind, calm, sweet person I’ve ever met. Considerate, caring — you know, all those things for...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 30, 2006 We’ve only been together 10 months, but I love her. Dear Cary, I’ve been reading your column for years, and appreciate all the honest advice you’ve given. I’ve thought of writing you before, but the problems seemed to resolve themselves...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 4, 2007 I know I can’t support him anymore — I need to save for retirement. What do I do? Dear Cary, I’m a single mother with a grown son. I love him more than I can say. He’s a good person, a great guy in so many ways — smart, creative, kind...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 30, 2003 I get emotionally and sexually involved with people I care about. But I do it too often and too simultaneously. Dear Cary, I’m starting to feel like I’ve got a big black hole in my emotional makeup. It’s a feeling that comes from the way...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, NOV 1, 2005 I have certain hazy memories that give me the creeps, but I really don’t know the truth. Dear Cary, I’ll try to make this short. I’m a 27-year-old man. I’ve blown every good relationship I have ever been in. Sometimes I wonder if my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column TUESDAY, MAR 21, 2006 I have so much potential I can’t decide what to do! Dear Cary, I’m 23 and panicking. I’ve been working at a fairly small company in New York for about two years now. Immersed in my studies during my senior year at college, I hadn’t looked very...
Hi Cary, Something new is happening and I honestly feel like I’m in a corner. Politically I am liberal. I am also atheist. And I consider myself a very tolerant and accepting person. I will, for example accept that your favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla, and that you say you love it, while mine is tiramisu. But, if you say vanilla is absolutely, without a doubt the best flavor, not to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 5, 2004 I thought my husband was stupid, but he’s just got attention deficit disorder. Dear Cary, I’m 40 years old, married for 19 years, with three boys ages 4, 8 and 14, who are constantly and completely amazing to me. I never finished college...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, OCT 17, 2003 I’ve been with one woman for my adult life, but now I feel closer to someone else. Dear Cary, I am a 42-year-old man married for six years; previous to marriage, my wife and I were together for 15 years. Do the math, and you’ll see that...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, AUG 1, 2005 I’ve got this situation with my husband that’s really rough. Maybe I should move on? Dear Cary – My husband wants to go visit his lovers. And I’m strongly considering moving on. My husband has been cultivating a relationship with two men...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] My boyfriend is great, but I was never swept off my feet. What is this nagging feeling? Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 21, 2003 Dear Cary, I’ve spent the past six years of my life with a wonderful man who is educated, caring, wonderfully attentive, incredibly expressive...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 17, 2012 I only got a generic notice, as if I were just a bystander, or an acquaintance! Dear Cary, It’s my turn. I need advice. I opened my mail earlier this week and found a wedding announcement — from my son. My son, whom I raised alone since he...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 19, 2007 I am a secular person, I do not like the color pink, and I need to manage my disease my own way. Dear Cary, I am a 47-year-old happily married woman with four children who was recently diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. It’s been a...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 13, 2012 Dear Mr. Tennis, I have a fairly simple holiday question to ask you. But I fear that even though the question is simple the answer, or advice, may be much more complicated. So here goes… In all of your intuitive sagacity do you believe that it would be bad form to ask family members if they could contribute to helping pay outstanding debts (i.e...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from SUNDAY, DEC 4, 2011 How can I make this year’s gathering tolerable, at least? Dear Cary, So, this is a boring question but a timely one. It’s That Time of Year again, when the secular and religious Christians descend upon the homes of their relatives to give...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAR 2, 2011 Should I approach his victims’ families? Can I help in any way? Dear Cary, My brother brutally murdered two people and now faces the death penalty. There are many issues I am dealing with so this really jumps around a lot but it is the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 29, 2005 As a student of biology, I fear that genes are destiny. I feel powerless to individuate! Dear Cary, My parents are pretty nice people. They raised me and my brother in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, provided us with food, attention and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, NOV 18, 2002 I have a wonderful daughter but no love or romance, and life just sucks. Dear Cary, So, I just turned 40. So far, it sucks, thank you very much. There’s something about a “magic number” birthday like 40 that brings the suckiness of one’s...