[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Aug 24, 2004 My husband keeps poisoning our son … and then he says, Whoops, I forgot! Dear Cary, I am very happily married, with three wonderful children my husband and I are both besotted with. My husband and I treat each other with genuine respect and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hello Cary, I am writing on how to think about a new situation. Some background: I briefly “dated” a man back in 2005. It was a long distance thing since I met him on a trip in another country, so for better or worse, we were as best friends. When our...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 16, 2009 We’ve got Republicans, we’ve got liberals, and it’s getting ugly. Dear CT, Like many extended families, ours has people who live and breathe Republican doctrine, and people who are liberal. Since the early Bush years, we have given each...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 29, 2007 This guy does not respect me or notice me! What can I do? Dear Cary, I am in my late 20s and have, in the last three months, fallen deeply in love with a woman of approximately the same age, in the same neighborhood practically. We have a wonderful relationship and became strongly attached to each other almost immediately. I could see myself...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUN 15, 2007 I’m aghast to find I’ll be sharing an office with a man whom — for good but confidential reasons — I utterly detest. Dear Cary, I need your perspective on an issue that may not have a solution that I will ever find satisfying … but here goes. I recently started working for a new employer and I have been very happy in...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Archival column from FRIDAY, JAN 18, 2008 03:38 AM PST My experience contradicts what I have been taught. I feel guilty and alone. Dear Reader, Please read this thoughtful, well-written question from a high school student and imagine growing up in her house with her parents...
Dear Cary: Thank you for bringing humaneness to advice columns. I hope you’ll consider taking time to help me figure out a problem. I was raised in a tribal culture where women keep things to themselves in order to keep others from worrying. I have trouble speaking to friends back home to help me work this out, and I am in a very rural area with no therapists close by. I do not have any...
Archival column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 9, 2008 Now I’m depressed and suicidal and very few people know why. Cary, I am unsure of how to articulate the reason I am writing you. There is an F. Scott Fitzgerald quote, “In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning.” I have been experiencing a soul-crushing depression that I can only utter through vague quotes and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, FEB 23, 2009 My boss and boyfriend say I act like I’m omniscient. Dear Cary: In the last 12 hours both my boyfriend and my boss have accused me of being a know-it-all (one of them did it politely and gave me a raise, but the other...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I have been reading your letters for years, and usually I can find plenty of guidance through your responses to others. This time, I would like your thoughts directly. I am a divorced mom of an elementary school child. I was married for a long time, and got divorced...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 10, 2007 This couple is about to have a baby and there’s no room for me — but it’s my place! Dear Cary, About three years ago, a good friend of mine from college needed a place to live … fast. As it turned out, I...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 16, 2008 I refuse to apologize for taking a stand that is in the best interests of the company. Dear Cary, I am having a little difficulty knowing where the line dividing personal assistant and administrative staff lies. I’ve been harshly reprimanded for questioning or challenging a principal on a matter that I felt was an abuse of company resources and the...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 5, 2008 I drank some wine, took my pills, boarded the plane and woke up on a gurney! Dear Cary, I am writing to you because I have been through what feels like a very traumatic experience and I need to find a way to put it behind me. Recently, I was on a flight from my local airport to another destination for work purposes. The flight was to be...
Cary’s classic column fromTHURSDAY, MAR 27, 2008 To disguise a neighbor’s less-than-pristine house, she planted a hedge on the other person’s land! Dear Cary, We live next door to an elderly lady who owns her home, and has for well over 40 years. The home has fallen into serious disrepair, and neither she nor her very ill live-at-home son can keep up with the maintenance...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, DEC 22, 2008 I’ve been dating her husband, but now she wants him back! Dear Cary, For the past seven months, I have been dating and falling in love with a man who is in the final stages of his divorce. After six years of marriage, it’s been a year and a half since they were together. Throughout their marriage she’d repeatedly cheated...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 1, 2006 Cary, I have a problem that I don’t know how to fix. Three years ago, a year after I became engaged, I lost my engagement ring. While I was camping with my fiancé and two friends, we decided to take a walk in the water by the beach. As a...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I wrote to you once about seven years ago — I was a faithful column reader before and until now. Your advice was spot on, and now I find myself in a heartbreaking situation that I hope you will shed your light on. My husband and I have been married for six years. We have...
Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 She berates! She glares! She makes backhanded comments about your lunch selection! Shouldn’t I, uh, say something? Dear Cary, My boss is insane. I know people say that a lot but I’m pretty sure I win. I recently started working for someone who I thought was an extravagant and eccentric designer, but instead I find out that she...
Cary’s archival column from FRIDAY, SEP 28, 2007 My future husband’s 38-year-old brother and his pregnant 20-year-old girlfriend: Yikes! Dear Cary, I am thrilled to be getting married this spring to a wonderful man. My fiancé proposed last winter, and we have been planning our wedding for over a year. This is a big deal for us. We started dating in 1999, and have lived together...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I am writing to you because I feel like I have landed myself in a situation where it is impossible for me to maintain either my happiness or my integrity, and I am hoping that you will be able to give some firm yet sympathetic advice. I have often read your column when it was...
My father died. My mom has Alzheimer’s. My brother wears his trousers too high. Cary’s archival column from MAY 1, 2011 Dear Cary, I love my brother dearly. We’re 13 months apart, but I feel like he’s my twin. We survived our parents’ horrible marriage. We’ve both been very successful and have accumulated quite a bit of wealth, so we live comfy lives. I left my birth state to...
Hello Cary, I’ve been reading your columns for a year or so. In fact, it was my ex who introduced me to your column. She also introduced me to lots of other wonderful things, like the benefits of going for a walk in the woods and how therapy can be helpful to people who don’t particularly think they need it. I loved her and I do love her. She is beautiful, and she is in love...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s archival column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 4, 2012 Unemployment is making me depressed I lost my job, came back to my hometown and now I’m lost Dear Cary, I’ve been reading your column for about a year now, and really believe you might have some words of...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Classic column from November 3, 2010 I can’t stop smoking pot I love smoking pot, but I think I may have a problem. I smoke it every day, and when I can’t get it, I drink Dear Cary, I smoke marijuana every day. There are times when I don’t smoke, but I’ve definitely smoked...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Classic column from Tuesday, March 14, 2006 During the blizzard, I refused to shelter my friend There were other places he could go, and I wanted to be alone with my boyfriend. Dear Cary, At 8 a.m. on Sunday, during the height of the recent snowstorm, my significant other...
Dear reader, The following column first appeared Tuesday, February 15, 2011. As always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Happy New Year! Dear Cary, I feel somewhat guilty even writing to you; you seem to have excellent insight into many people’s problems, and should you choose to answer my letter, would someone more desperately in need not have their letter...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. And if you would like to help support this endeavor, feel free to make a donation. Dear Cary, I discovered and appreciated your thoughtful presence through reading the Sun Magazine, and since then, reading your columns in Salon. Thank you so much for your ability to see something honestly and differently...
Dear reader, Below is another archival column from Cary. He’ll be publishing a brand new column next week. As always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Happy New Year! Classic column from October 17, 2012 I’m going crazy in my job I’m anxious and insecure and paranoid and bored — but it’s such a great job! Hi Cary: Two reasons...
Dear reader, Below is another of our favorite holiday columns. And, as always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Norma and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Should I tell her the truth — to save her from the derision of her friends, if nothing else? Hi Cary, I will be the first to admit that this may seem like a lame problem...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. And if you would like to help support this endeavor, feel free to make a donation. I’ve asked my family to write but they say they’re too busy. Dear Cary, Happy holidays; hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been reading your column for a long time and respect your advice, so I’m seeking some...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, Look, this might be a no brainer, but I’m just a product of a world with rapidly declining standards and dubious if any moral values, so here goes. I live in a major international city (A BIG ONE). Through some kind of human or machine type error I mistakenly...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Dear Cary, I am 30 years old and have been with my wonderful boyfriend for over a year. I really think he is the love of my life, we get along greatly, and we have projects for a life together, although everything for now is limited to words and dreams, because we haven’t the financial opportunity to marry...
Visiting my family gets me down Every time I see them I’m depressed for a week [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, First, thank you for being persistent with your crazy wisdom, and for not giving up. I enjoy your column. I need a new way to think about this situation, and I’m hoping you can help...
Should we go home for Christmas— even if we can’t afford it? We lost our house in Katrina. The family is scattered but gathering. Should we go? [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, So Christmas, the so-called happiest time of the year, fast approaches, and my little family is in a tough situation...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I’m a recovering alcoholic, married with two teenagers and a mild in-law problem that really bothers me during the holidays. To some degree, what I am struggling with is naming why my holiday situation bothers me so much. May I bend your ear? My in-laws are nice...