[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m a wife, a mother and a doctoral candidate. I’m not the kind of person this happens to. What the hell am I doing? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, OCT 6, 2008 Hi Cary, I’m a 28-year-old doctoral student, wife and mother; it’s a life I would’ve described once as busy, happy and...
I don’t know how to settle down. But I’m almost 30 and don’t want to waste my life! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, OCT 3, 2008 Dear Cary, I’ve written to so many advice columnists and no one ever answers. I am plagued by problems — for years. In general, what the hell is the deal with me? I was so blithe and great and happy in childhood — but ever since I was, oh, 15, things have gone...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a gay person of color, but he’s against the minimum wage! Cary’s classic column from Sunday, THURSDAY, JUL 21, 2005 Dear Cary, I have been at my current position as an attorney at a law firm for less than a year. Although I work at a rather typical big law firm, I am a committed...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Oct 10, 2010 Drawn to a younger woman, I fear I’ll make a fool of myself Dear Cary, I am a man in my late 50s. I’ve been married for over 30 years and still love my wife deeply, although our marriage is largely sexless. However, recently I’ve become...
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, NOV 23, 2009 I’m getting sick of being “the editor’s girlfriend” Dear Cary, I’m a college student and a reporter for my university’s paper. I’m a good writer — my work has shown up in publications beyond the university, and since arriving here I’ve...
We were going to be married. I’m finally getting over the breakup when he calls and wants to be chummy! Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Sep 21, 2011 Dear Cary, About six months ago, the man I thought I was going to marry left me unceremoniously for another woman. During the aftermath — the moving out, the settling of affairs — he acted cruelly and horribly, cementing the split and making...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know he’s screwed up, but as a little girl I idolized him Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 25, 2009 Dear Cary, This is an epically long letter — sorry. To some extent, I just needed to put it all down on paper so I could get a grip on it: see the patterns and find some coherence...
I’m doing the kind of work I love, but he’s earning so much more! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 16, 2006 Dear Cary, How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers. I love my job and feel that I am well suited for it; unfortunately, the pay is...
I’m suicidal a year after my miscarriage. Nothing helps Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAY 31, 2012 Dear Cary, What happens when therapy doesn’t work? I’ve battled most of my life with depression, the causes of which are probably not of very much importance (absent alcoholic father, frequent moving, mentorless young adulthood, spotty employment, fear of commitment, and the crowning insult...
I’m a well-educated and intelligent woman, but childhood trauma has brought me to the edge of madness. Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 10, 2005 Dear Cary, Ostensibly, I am a relatively well-educated, intelligent woman. I had a rough childhood. I was abused as a child; my usual punishment was caning, but my mother also pulled my hair and boxed my ears. I grew up minimizing the abuse. I was...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He accosted her on the street and forced her into his car. She went to the police and they did nothing Cary’s classic column from Thursday, May 24, 2012 Dear Cary, My younger sister is a 21-year-old college student who is “trapped” in an abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend, who is...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 10, 2009 I guess I’m guilty of conduct unbecoming a bridesmaid — but I thought she chose me for who I am Dear Cary, I was asked by a dear friend to be her maid of honor. I was immediately a little worried. I’m not into traditional wedding...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Airport foul-ups, traffic tie-ups, rude taxi drivers … I’ve had it! Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 20, 2009 Dear Cary, I am married with three children, and have a responsible and professional job as a writer that puts me in the public eye a bit. The other day I took two...
I want desperately to have a child, and so does he. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, FEB 23, 2005 Dear Cary, I am married to the man of my dreams — except for one thing: He won’t touch me. I’m not just talking about sex; I mean he’s averse to basic human contact. We’re down to a chaste kiss as he leaves for work, an occasional hug when I ask, and sometimes another chaste good-night kiss...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m an INFJ working undercover at JCrew/Abercrombie/Banana Republic/Sephora/Barneys/Apple/Eddie Bauer Town Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Dec 7, 2010 Dear Cary, I’m a worldly, well-traveled, experienced and vibrant woman, still young (age 55), I have a wide network of interesting...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I could have gone, I should have gone, but I thought about the money and my other plans! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 25, 2008 Dear Cary, I just got done listening to this beautiful essay on NPR. Someone wrote in to say, “Always Go to the Funeral.” I’m writing you because I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Should I tell a fundamentalist Christian student what I really think? Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JAN 27, 2006 Dear Cary, I am a doctoral student/teaching assistant in English literature at a prestigious public school on the West Coast. Yesterday evening, one of the students from...
I left my heart in Williamsburg, though I’m secretly a nerd. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, APR 12, 2007 Dear Cary, I am obsessed with hipsterdom. I don’t know why, or what to do about it. I am not a hipster. I never have been. But I have always been on the outward edges, knowing what hip is, knowing people who were hip, while remaining nerdy myself. When I was younger, back in high...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not sure how much filial devotion I owe my father, now that he’s talking about buying a rifle. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 4, 2007 Dear Cary, Since our mother’s death four and a half years ago, the burden of caring for our elderly father has fallen to my siblings and me...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m trying to get a job where my boyfriend’s living and it’s just not working! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAY 5, 2005 Dear Cary, My boyfriend and I were together for the first year of our relationship, then moved to separate cities after college. That was two years ago. I’ve...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] The family’s never gotten along, but I want to give my bride the wedding of her dreams. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 23, 2004 Dear Cary, I’m 26 years old and divorced. I’m engaged to be married to my best friend from college, the woman I should have been with since day one...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 30, 2008 Every time I start to do my assignment, I find myself surfing the Web instead! Dear Cary, I am taking a creative nonfiction writing course, and I’m supposed to be working on a piece about what I ate for breakfast. The problem is, every time I sit down at the computer to work, I start compulsively reading the election coverage online, sometimes...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I have an offer to study in the Arctic, but I’d have to leave my boyfriend behind. Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, MAY 2, 2006 Dear Cary, I am at a crossroads in life and it is difficult. I have been working since high school, building my résumé. I finished my Ph.D., and have had a...
My friend saw the second plane hit. Does that give him a superior view of global politics? Cary’s classic column Monday, Sep 20, 2010 Dear Cary, A good friend of mine, let’s call him Joe, witnessed the second plane hit the building on Sept. 11. He shares his stories about huddling in a building lobby with others as the debris and dust came down around them and shared stories of people crying and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know what to do and how to do it but I’m paralyzed! Soon my whole work life is going to come crashing down! (Cary’s classic column from Friday, March 7, 2008) Dear Cary, It may be too late for me. I’m committing professional suicide. I see exactly what I’m doing, and I can’t stop...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a Vietnam vet and a retired civil servant. Now his mind’s been warped by Fox News! He’s gone Obama-nuts! (Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 19, 2010) Dear Cary, I am writing because I am feeling more and more estranged from my father in the last few years, and I would like...
She puts me down, she pops in, she meddles, she scorns, she does the backhanded compliment … need some help here! Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I am not one for hate or grudges. I dislike how they make me feel. Despite my flaws, I have always had a great capacity for empathy. This is perhaps why it is so distressing to me that I have finally found someone I have...
Should I pick up and move four hours away to be with the man I love? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I have to make a decision and I need your help. Decisions have never been my forte, but for the past 11 years I’ve been able to make them pretty well because I had a kid. When you have a kid you make decisions that will help the kid. As much as possible. So I went back...
I am a New Yorker living like a prisoner in London. Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 29, 2007 Dear Cary, I’m American. My husband is Russian. We’re in our 30s, married about two and a half years, and live in London, where my husband is pursuing a Ph.D. We got married so I could stay here with him — in other words, my five-year residency here with permission to work is based on our marriage...
My husband and he have so much in common — but his beliefs are pernicious and wrong! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 3, 2008 Dear Cary, My husband and I live in a small town in the same rural area of northern New England where he grew up. I grew up in a suburban setting in southern New England, but I have lived here my entire adult life — more than three decades now. (I’m 49, my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I take care of everything, but who takes care of me? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, FEB 28, 2005 Dear Cary, I’m a woman living in a Franken-family of six: my partner, his two kids and my two kids. The kids are never here all at once but are here almost every day in some...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m engaged, but I think my future mother-in-law may ruin my life. What should I do? (Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, NOV 7, 2003) Dear Cary, A recently married friend of mine told me that getting a mother-in-law is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat — either it is fluffy and sweet or...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAY 19, 2008 He remarried, he moved, and now all his savings are gone! Dear Cary, I recently returned from a trip to Las Vegas where my father gave me news that made me furious. I’m not really prone to anger, which makes this even more surprising. My...