Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 13, 2009 If I marry, I get a 16-year-old who can barely take care of herself. Dear Cary, I’m 29 and my potential stepdaughter-to-be is 16. We live under the same roof, and it’s driving me crazy inside. Let’s rewind the story by six months to last July, when my boyfriend and I chanced upon a really nice flat with a magnificent sea view and decided to sort of...
Cary’s classic column from Monday, Aug 12, 2013 I live with an awful history, and sometimes it is too much for me Dear Cary, I am writing with a problem that makes my heart physically ache. Let me briefly lay the groundwork first, and then I will present the problem. I was married for almost 20 years to a man who had three children from his first marriage. We had three more ourselves, and I...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUN 5, 2006 Uncle Danny shows up in his R.V. for four-month “visits,” gobbling up our food and paying nothing. Dear Cary, My husband and I are a professional couple in our mid-30s who have a house in a revitalized urban area in North Carolina. Since we moved into our house four years ago, my husband’s uncle — let’s call him Uncle Danny — has started visiting us...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 9, 2005 We’d like to stay together, but I’m not sure I could handle the rift that would create. Dear Cary, I am a bright, personable woman in my late 20s who works full-time in a law firm and attends graduate school part-time. I am in love with a man who is a decade older than I am, a struggling musician and carpenter who has also found some very creative...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 22, 2008 02:50 AM PDT He thought he’d be returning home to die. But she just strung him along until he was gone. Dear Cary: My elderly father had been ill. After improving, he went directly from the hospital into a nursing home. We never told him he was never coming home. My mother said keeping up some sort of illusion of his eventual return was a way to...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, DEC 14, 2007 I seem to be OK on the outside, but inside … you don’t even want to know. Dear Cary, I have never written to an advice column before, and I chose you because although I sometimes disagree with your advice, I find I can never predict what that advice will be based on the advisee’s letter. Here’s my problem: I secretly hate myself. I know why...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 13, 2007 I finally escaped the deadly web of small-town Southern life. But it keeps pulling on me! Dear Cary, My grandmother is dying. I grew up in the deep South, so of course, there are a lot of obligations that go with having a dying grandmother. Especially when said grandmother is a pillar of the community. Luckily for me, I live in Oregon, so I...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 1, 2005 My problem is, I think I love my East Coast family more. Dear Cary, I’m hoping you can help with something that weighs on my mind a little heavier each day. I’m a 25-year-old professional woman, raised in Pennsylvania with four little brothers and sisters aged 18-23 whom I adore. A few years ago, I was working a post-college first job near my family...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 15, 2009 My mother and my boyfriend want to tell me how many pills to take Dear Cary, When I was 18, I had my first kidney stone. I had lithotripsy for another at 19 and a very serious bacterial infection in my kidney in between. I am now 25, and have spent seven years with intermittent pain and urinary tract infections. In the past year, the pain has...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 8, 2010 My husband and my brother are estranged because of a business deal Dear Cary, Earlier this year, around the time of your cancer diagnosis, you wrote about letting go of a long-held resentment. I am particularly interested in this topic because of a family conflict that has gone on for years in an understated way. Whenever it interferes with my life...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 4, 2007 I know I can’t support him anymore — I need to save for retirement. What do I do? Dear Cary, I’m a single mother with a grown son. I love him more than I can say. He’s a good person, a great guy in so many ways — smart, creative, kind...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, NOV 1, 2005 I have certain hazy memories that give me the creeps, but I really don’t know the truth. Dear Cary, I’ll try to make this short. I’m a 27-year-old man. I’ve blown every good relationship I have ever been in. Sometimes I wonder if my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 17, 2012 I only got a generic notice, as if I were just a bystander, or an acquaintance! Dear Cary, It’s my turn. I need advice. I opened my mail earlier this week and found a wedding announcement — from my son. My son, whom I raised alone since he...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 13, 2012 Dear Mr. Tennis, I have a fairly simple holiday question to ask you. But I fear that even though the question is simple the answer, or advice, may be much more complicated. So here goes… In all of your intuitive sagacity do you believe that it would be bad form to ask family members if they could contribute to helping pay outstanding debts (i.e...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from SUNDAY, DEC 4, 2011 How can I make this year’s gathering tolerable, at least? Dear Cary, So, this is a boring question but a timely one. It’s That Time of Year again, when the secular and religious Christians descend upon the homes of their relatives to give...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 29, 2005 As a student of biology, I fear that genes are destiny. I feel powerless to individuate! Dear Cary, My parents are pretty nice people. They raised me and my brother in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, provided us with food, attention and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUN 7, 2006 I’m accomplished and responsible but they treat me like a loser. Dear Cary, I have a great job, own my own home, car, dog and medium-size 401K, have put myself through college and law school. I am not a loser! So why does my whole family...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JUL 28, 2003 I’m in love with a man I work with. We’re both married with kids but we don’t want to break up our families. Dear Cary, I’m in love with a man I work with. He’s married, I’m married, both of us have kids — hard to make it sound original...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Friday, May 23, 2008 I would like to help them celebrate their 50th anniversary, but I dread being in the same room with that man. Dear Cary, When I was a teenager, I was sexually abused by my older brother. I’ve been through three different therapists trying...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, NOV 30, 2007 An anonymous complaint brought a scary visitor with a list of accusations. Dear Cary, I have an unusual problem that is really hurting me. About two months ago, a worker from the child protection agency in my town appeared on my doorstep...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 8, 2006 I’m only 21 but I’m itching to get hitched! Dear Cary, For slightly over a year I have been in a serious relationship with the best human being I have ever met. He’s principled, loyal, wickedly funny and just the right kind of twisted. We...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2005 We’ve been in counseling for about six months now, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting them. Dear Cary, You and other sage advice givers often recommend that people seek therapy for their problems, especially when a couple or family needs...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I desperately needed money so I agreed to her terms, but I find them chilling and bizarre Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Nov 21, 2010 Dear Cary, Almost 10 years ago my wealthy aunt loaned me some money. I have not seen or spoken to this aunt in many years now, nor have I repaid the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Do I boycott the wedding? Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, DEC 28, 2010 Dear Cary, My sister, who is 34 to my 30, has been dating a man in his early 40s on and off for the past 10 years. To give you some background on his character, when she first met him, he was in his early 30s...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] We’ve got a great life going. Let’s not spoil it. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, APR 9, 2009 Dear Cary, I had a great childhood, full of country walks and art projects and picture books. My parents loved each other and they loved me and my siblings. I was not, despite all...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I could not have stayed in my country of birth, but I feel like my life in America is just unlucky Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 1, 2010 Dear Cary, I am so glad you are back. Thank you for still caring deeply for others while you are battling your health issues. I really need...
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know he’s screwed up, but as a little girl I idolized him Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 25, 2009 Dear Cary, This is an epically long letter — sorry. To some extent, I just needed to put it all down on paper so I could get a grip on it: see the patterns and find some coherence...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not sure how much filial devotion I owe my father, now that he’s talking about buying a rifle. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 4, 2007 Dear Cary, Since our mother’s death four and a half years ago, the burden of caring for our elderly father has fallen to my siblings and me...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] The family’s never gotten along, but I want to give my bride the wedding of her dreams. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 23, 2004 Dear Cary, I’m 26 years old and divorced. I’m engaged to be married to my best friend from college, the woman I should have been with since day one...
Should I pick up and move four hours away to be with the man I love? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I have to make a decision and I need your help. Decisions have never been my forte, but for the past 11 years I’ve been able to make them pretty well because I had a kid. When you have a kid you make decisions that will help the kid. As much as possible. So I went back...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I take care of everything, but who takes care of me? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, FEB 28, 2005 Dear Cary, I’m a woman living in a Franken-family of six: my partner, his two kids and my two kids. The kids are never here all at once but are here almost every day in some...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 31, 2005 Should I break it off now and look for a man who wants to raise a family? Dear Cary, I’m a 31-year-old smart, cute, funny, perennially happy physician who is in love with a 38-year-old chemistry professor. He is everything I want in a man...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 3, 2009 They’ll drive us crazy if we stay. We want to move to Colorado! Dear Cary, This is hardly a new topic, but here goes. My husband and I have been married about a year and a half. We met, instantly fell in love and got married a short time...