Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 27, 2011 Her husband died so I came to help. Now they act like I don’t exist Dear Mr. Tennis, I am a 65-year-old woman who has had a long and interesting life. During a particularly “interesting” time (think job loss, forced relocation, job search) I found myself estranged from my eldest child, a daughter 40 years of age, who had recently become part of a...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 13, 2009 If I marry, I get a 16-year-old who can barely take care of herself. Dear Cary, I’m 29 and my potential stepdaughter-to-be is 16. We live under the same roof, and it’s driving me crazy inside. Let’s rewind the story by six months to last July, when my boyfriend and I chanced upon a really nice flat with a magnificent sea view and decided to sort of...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, NOV 4, 2005 My wife says returning home after college is the new normal — but if they return, I may have to leave. Dear Cary, I am 46 and the father of two children, ages 16 and 20 (juniors in college and high school, respectively). My wife and I married very young, had our kids a little earlier than expected, embraced it and made what we felt was the...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, AUG 4, 2008 I lied to shut them up but now I can hardly live with myself. Dear Cary, I need your advice on a problem of my own making. You see, I’m a liar: I’ve been lying to my parents, my sister and everyone I know, including my husband. I’m not lying about anything criminal or terribly immoral, but I have backed myself into a corner. I don’t have a college...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, AUG 30, 2007 They thought the baby would fix things, but he didn’t, so the dad split. Does that mean he’s no good? Dear Cary, Early this year, one of the greatest bright spots in my life occurred: I became an uncle. After 10 years of bleak family moments, we all finally had a moment of renewal. My older brother called me (I’m an expat and haven’t actually seen...
Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Jul 20, 2011 I thought I knew him. Then he loaded up his U-Haul Cary, I had a really boring suburban life for a long time, wishing that something would make it interesting. I had a good relationship with my family and I thought that my parents would stay together forever. Then we got hit with a hurricane. After the hurricane I spent a lot more time talking to...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 9, 2005 We’d like to stay together, but I’m not sure I could handle the rift that would create. Dear Cary, I am a bright, personable woman in my late 20s who works full-time in a law firm and attends graduate school part-time. I am in love with a man who is a decade older than I am, a struggling musician and carpenter who has also found some very creative...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, AUG 22, 2008 02:50 AM PDT He thought he’d be returning home to die. But she just strung him along until he was gone. Dear Cary: My elderly father had been ill. After improving, he went directly from the hospital into a nursing home. We never told him he was never coming home. My mother said keeping up some sort of illusion of his eventual return was a way to...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, DEC 14, 2007 I seem to be OK on the outside, but inside … you don’t even want to know. Dear Cary, I have never written to an advice column before, and I chose you because although I sometimes disagree with your advice, I find I can never predict what that advice will be based on the advisee’s letter. Here’s my problem: I secretly hate myself. I know why...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 4, 2007 I know I can’t support him anymore — I need to save for retirement. What do I do? Dear Cary, I’m a single mother with a grown son. I love him more than I can say. He’s a good person, a great guy in so many ways — smart, creative, kind...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, NOV 1, 2005 I have certain hazy memories that give me the creeps, but I really don’t know the truth. Dear Cary, I’ll try to make this short. I’m a 27-year-old man. I’ve blown every good relationship I have ever been in. Sometimes I wonder if my...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, SEP 17, 2012 I only got a generic notice, as if I were just a bystander, or an acquaintance! Dear Cary, It’s my turn. I need advice. I opened my mail earlier this week and found a wedding announcement — from my son. My son, whom I raised alone since he...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 29, 2005 As a student of biology, I fear that genes are destiny. I feel powerless to individuate! Dear Cary, My parents are pretty nice people. They raised me and my brother in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, provided us with food, attention and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUN 7, 2006 I’m accomplished and responsible but they treat me like a loser. Dear Cary, I have a great job, own my own home, car, dog and medium-size 401K, have put myself through college and law school. I am not a loser! So why does my whole family...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JUN 30, 2009 I don’t think I’m comfortable with my 17-year-old bringing 16-year-old girls home — but what to do? Dear Cary: Last night I discovered my 17-year-old son brought a girl to stay the night. To say the least it was unexpected and I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, NOV 30, 2007 An anonymous complaint brought a scary visitor with a list of accusations. Dear Cary, I have an unusual problem that is really hurting me. About two months ago, a worker from the child protection agency in my town appeared on my doorstep...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2005 We’ve been in counseling for about six months now, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting them. Dear Cary, You and other sage advice givers often recommend that people seek therapy for their problems, especially when a couple or family needs...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] My charismatic ex married a pretty young thing Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 13, 2011 After 13 years and two kids, we still weren’t even married. So I’m burned but I’m not even the ex-wife Dear Cary, First of all, I want to tell you that I’ve been reading your column for...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know he’s screwed up, but as a little girl I idolized him Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 25, 2009 Dear Cary, This is an epically long letter — sorry. To some extent, I just needed to put it all down on paper so I could get a grip on it: see the patterns and find some coherence...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not sure how much filial devotion I owe my father, now that he’s talking about buying a rifle. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 4, 2007 Dear Cary, Since our mother’s death four and a half years ago, the burden of caring for our elderly father has fallen to my siblings and me...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] The family’s never gotten along, but I want to give my bride the wedding of her dreams. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 23, 2004 Dear Cary, I’m 26 years old and divorced. I’m engaged to be married to my best friend from college, the woman I should have been with since day one...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a Vietnam vet and a retired civil servant. Now his mind’s been warped by Fox News! He’s gone Obama-nuts! (Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAY 19, 2010) Dear Cary, I am writing because I am feeling more and more estranged from my father in the last few years, and I would like...
Should I pick up and move four hours away to be with the man I love? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAR 19, 2007 Dear Cary, I have to make a decision and I need your help. Decisions have never been my forte, but for the past 11 years I’ve been able to make them pretty well because I had a kid. When you have a kid you make decisions that will help the kid. As much as possible. So I went back...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, MAY 19, 2008 He remarried, he moved, and now all his savings are gone! Dear Cary, I recently returned from a trip to Las Vegas where my father gave me news that made me furious. I’m not really prone to anger, which makes this even more surprising. My...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 31, 2007 My friend’s father is just one more reason feminism exists — but can we say that? Dear Cary, I have been friends with my best friend since we were 15 years old; we united because we both had crazy-ass parents. Hers was an abusive...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 20, 2005 I didn’t want to start a fight, so I told her it wasn’t so bad. But I hate what she’s doing. What should I do? Dear Cary, I am trying to be a good liberal parent who stays aware of what her 16-year-old daughter...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Friday, Feb 6, 2004 I’m married to a wonderful man, but he doesn’t seem to share my fear of financial humiliation. Dear Cary, I have been spoiled with a very happy life. I am 26, married to a wonderful 34-year-old man whom I love more than anyone in the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JUL 15, 2005 Mom and Dad say if I don’t lose weight, they won’t find me an apartment for grad school. Dear Cary, I am a 24-year-old young man who lives with his parents in a wealthy suburb of a major American city. I graduated from college three years...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from SUNDAY, APR 10, 2011 We talked and I thought he was up for this, but now it looks like he never was Dear Cary, I am a 33-year-old married mother of one. While the discussion of having more children was always sort of tabled for my husband and me, after hearing...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Friday, Sep 30, 2005 We’ll sit around with nothing to say, eating takeout food. Dear Cary, I know this is pretty early, but I’m already freaking out about hanging out with my family during Christmas. My family consists of my mother, my father, my brother and...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column THURSDAY, OCT 4, 2007 03:10 AM PDT I don’t believe in God but I want to allay her fears. Hi, I am the father of a 13-year-old daughter whose mother has been taking her to an evangelical Christian church her whole life. Her mother’s family is entirely Christian. I am...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 10, 2005 My mom’s a slob, my sister’s a loser. What is wrong with these people? Dear Cary, My question is a simple one of whom to be mad at. Here’s the background: My mom has always been a horrible housekeeper. My dad actually left her...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 22, 2005 Why did he spend 18 years with my mom? Did he know all along, or what? Dear Cary, Two months ago my dad moved out of the house. For about two years he has been depressed and then he started to have a drinking problem. My mom tried...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, OCT 19, 2005T Is this resolution or abandonment? Dear Cary: Thank you, first off, for being a unique voice in a somewhat crude, unsympathetic age. Here’s my problem in a nutshell: I’ve abandoned my family, and they’ve let me, and I can’t...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, AUG 30, 2004 [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m afraid she’s a gold digger. Besides, it’s too soon after Mom’s death for Dad to have a girlfriend. Dear Cary, I am 24 years old and currently attending graduate school in fine art. About a year ago, my mother died from breast cancer...