Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 5, 2008 I drank some wine, took my pills, boarded the plane and woke up on a gurney! Dear Cary, I am writing to you because I have been through what feels like a very traumatic experience and I need to find a way to put it behind me. Recently, I was on a flight from my local airport to another destination for work purposes. The flight was to be...
Cary’s classic column fromTHURSDAY, MAR 27, 2008 To disguise a neighbor’s less-than-pristine house, she planted a hedge on the other person’s land! Dear Cary, We live next door to an elderly lady who owns her home, and has for well over 40 years. The home has fallen into serious disrepair, and neither she nor her very ill live-at-home son can keep up with the maintenance...
Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, DEC 22, 2008 I’ve been dating her husband, but now she wants him back! Dear Cary, For the past seven months, I have been dating and falling in love with a man who is in the final stages of his divorce. After six years of marriage, it’s been a year and a half since they were together. Throughout their marriage she’d repeatedly cheated...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUN 1, 2006 Cary, I have a problem that I don’t know how to fix. Three years ago, a year after I became engaged, I lost my engagement ring. While I was camping with my fiancé and two friends, we decided to take a walk in the water by the beach. As a...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I wrote to you once about seven years ago — I was a faithful column reader before and until now. Your advice was spot on, and now I find myself in a heartbreaking situation that I hope you will shed your light on. My husband and I have been married for six years. We have...
Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 She berates! She glares! She makes backhanded comments about your lunch selection! Shouldn’t I, uh, say something? Dear Cary, My boss is insane. I know people say that a lot but I’m pretty sure I win. I recently started working for someone who I thought was an extravagant and eccentric designer, but instead I find out that she...
Cary’s archival column from FRIDAY, SEP 28, 2007 My future husband’s 38-year-old brother and his pregnant 20-year-old girlfriend: Yikes! Dear Cary, I am thrilled to be getting married this spring to a wonderful man. My fiancé proposed last winter, and we have been planning our wedding for over a year. This is a big deal for us. We started dating in 1999, and have lived together...
Back in 2008, I had the good fortune to be introduced to Cary Tennis. I was trying to make sense of a novel length story I had been working on for two years. I was self-conscious and insecure about what I had produced, and those insecurities were all but squeezing the life out of my creativity. I didn’t believe I qualified as a writer, but a story came to me with such compelling force that I...
by Kyoko Ide Revolution. I feel such resistance towards it. Why? I feel fear, I get tense, I feel like I have to find the right, proper words and expressions that wouldn’t offend anybody, so that my revolutionary self wouldn’t get criticized. But that’s not revolutionary at all. How come I feel like I have to protect myself and guard myself when I try to let my revolutionary...
The world turns, and as it turns, people who could once keep to their feet and balance their weight against the motion, who learned to drink and dance and cook a meal while effortlessly poised against the turning of the world, these people suddenly found themselves thrown down to the ground, their plates and cups dashed from their hands, their feet hopelessly tangled, their heads broken and their...
Hello Cary, I’ve been reading your columns for a year or so. In fact, it was my ex who introduced me to your column. She also introduced me to lots of other wonderful things, like the benefits of going for a walk in the woods and how therapy can be helpful to people who don’t particularly think they need it. I loved her and I do love her. She is beautiful, and she is in love...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s archival column from WEDNESDAY, JAN 4, 2012 Unemployment is making me depressed I lost my job, came back to my hometown and now I’m lost Dear Cary, I’ve been reading your column for about a year now, and really believe you might have some words of...
Lucy Hilmer has been a regular at Cary’s writing practice table at Café La Boheme in San Francisco, for the past 2 ½ years. Lucy is a fine art photographer, documentary filmmaker and poet, who spends most of her time working alone in her home studio. But every Friday at noon, she heads to the Mission to sit with Cary’s pop up community of creative people for an hour, where she and others fast...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Classic column from November 3, 2010 I can’t stop smoking pot I love smoking pot, but I think I may have a problem. I smoke it every day, and when I can’t get it, I drink Dear Cary, I smoke marijuana every day. There are times when I don’t smoke, but I’ve definitely smoked...
Happy New Year! After slowing down for the holidays, Cary and I are back working at full speed. The “Featured Person of the Week” is back, as are more columns and creative writing from Cary. A note: because many commenters have mentioned that they would like the ability to edit their comments after they post them, we’ve changed our method of posting comments. You now need to log in to our...
Dear reader, The following column first appeared Tuesday, February 15, 2011. As always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Happy New Year! Dear Cary, I feel somewhat guilty even writing to you; you seem to have excellent insight into many people’s problems, and should you choose to answer my letter, would someone more desperately in need not have their letter...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. And if you would like to help support this endeavor, feel free to make a donation. Dear Cary, I discovered and appreciated your thoughtful presence through reading the Sun Magazine, and since then, reading your columns in Salon. Thank you so much for your ability to see something honestly and differently...
Dear reader, Below is another archival column from Cary. He’ll be publishing a brand new column next week. As always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Happy New Year! Classic column from October 17, 2012 I’m going crazy in my job I’m anxious and insecure and paranoid and bored — but it’s such a great job! Hi Cary: Two reasons...
Dear reader, Below is another of our favorite holiday columns. And, as always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Norma and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Should I tell her the truth — to save her from the derision of her friends, if nothing else? Hi Cary, I will be the first to admit that this may seem like a lame problem...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. And if you would like to help support this endeavor, feel free to make a donation. I’ve asked my family to write but they say they’re too busy. Dear Cary, Happy holidays; hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been reading your column for a long time and respect your advice, so I’m seeking some...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Hi Cary, Look, this might be a no brainer, but I’m just a product of a world with rapidly declining standards and dubious if any moral values, so here goes. I live in a major international city (A BIG ONE). Through some kind of human or machine type error I mistakenly...
Dear reader, If you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Dear Cary, I am 30 years old and have been with my wonderful boyfriend for over a year. I really think he is the love of my life, we get along greatly, and we have projects for a life together, although everything for now is limited to words and dreams, because we haven’t the financial opportunity to marry...
What our friend Brian Herrera wrote today about his experience at the Creative Getaway at Marconi spurred some thoughts of my own which I’d like to share — with people who’ve had this experience and with people who perhaps do not know about the Amherst Writers and Artists method or the creative getaways Norma and I have put on since 2008. Actually, I have a lot to say so...
We first met Brian Herrera at our first-ever Creative Getaway. An exceptionally talented and inventive writer, he amazed us all during our evening reading sessions by one moment reading us the most deeply moving piece, and the next reading something that would leave the entire room in tears of laughter. Here’s what Brian has to say about himself, the Creative Getaway, and his new project...
Judith Lindbloom, abstract expressionist, El Farolito on 24th Street in the Mission for lunch after the meeting, talking about William James, the God thing, William James says, Look, we are scientific men, Christian men, honest men, and we cannot deny what we see: People are having experiences; they have these experiences of another world and then they change. What are we to call this? How can...
Visiting my family gets me down Every time I see them I’m depressed for a week [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, First, thank you for being persistent with your crazy wisdom, and for not giving up. I enjoy your column. I need a new way to think about this situation, and I’m hoping you can help...
Should we go home for Christmas— even if we can’t afford it? We lost our house in Katrina. The family is scattered but gathering. Should we go? [button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, So Christmas, the so-called happiest time of the year, fast approaches, and my little family is in a tough situation...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I’m a recovering alcoholic, married with two teenagers and a mild in-law problem that really bothers me during the holidays. To some degree, what I am struggling with is naming why my holiday situation bothers me so much. May I bend your ear? My in-laws are nice...
Cary and I first learned about The Write On Mamas from Janine Kovac, who has been a regular attendee of Cary’s writing workshops over the past few years. In addition to being an exceptional creative talent, Janine has an amazing spirit and energy, and is one of those rare people who can bring people together and make magic happen. Here’s what Janine has to say about the Mamas: The...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Reader, Well, hello there. I just feel friendly today. We’ll get to the letter in a moment. It’s down there below this note –>>. But first: I’ve been out of Salon for a good six weeks now and am adjusting to being newly independent, an...
Dear Reader, Well, I’m in Monterey this morning, here to help some writers. Also here to write on my own. When I was writing the Since You Asked column for Salon.com, which I did for nearly 12 years, every day I wrote it I wanted to be proud. It was an extraordinary opportunity for a writer, for someone who really doesn’t know how to do much else and so has had to find jobs writing...
Dear Cary, What a delight that you are continuing. Bravo! The quality of the world dipped there for a moment, but now it is leveled up again, thank, goodness. I’ll be sure to do my part to spread the word so that everyone I know can enjoy your column. On another note, I do want to ask you a few related questions about my writing. Some background: On a deep and sweet level, I am an...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Reader, Right now I’m writing this column here on my own site on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You can bookmark to always find it. I’ll announce it on Facebook and Twitter whenever it goes up, and we’ll send out an email newsletter about it, too. Might miss a day or two...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, Thank you for deciding to keep your column alive. I am writing to you from Italy, a country you must have a special spot for since you even organize your workshops/retreats here. I am not Italian but it has little to do with my story. I grew up in a troubled family. My father...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, I need your help before I really mess things up for myself. I’m a single woman in my early 50s, I enjoy my job, nice people, understanding boss, etc. Earlier this year I spoke to my boss about a promotion/raise. She felt it was worthwhile to pursue and said...