Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, JUL 7, 2004 I’m a healthy 26-year-old man and I’ve never had sex. Should I tell my girlfriend? Dear Cary, I’m a healthy 26-year-old male, normal in most ways physiologically and mentally. As far as I can tell, I’m a funny, bright guy people tend to gravitate toward, and I’m as sociable and interactive as anyone. I’ve never been especially big on the so-called...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, MAR 25, 2009 The groom said my husband is dead to him. The bride refused my package. Dear Cary, A good friend of mine invited my husband and me to her destination wedding. We were thrilled to be invited as she was a bridesmaid in our wedding, however, when we saw the price for four days we realized we couldn’t go. At her bridal shower, a mutual friend had...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, APR 24, 2007 I’m crazy in love with my two sisters’ five kids. I feel like helping to raise them would give my life meaning. Dear Cary, My younger sisters each recently had two babies apiece — two boys on one side, two girls on the other side. There’s also a fantastic 7-year-old in the mix. I have, quite frankly, fallen in love with these children. I am not a...
Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAR 4, 2005 I’m a middle child, abandoned by my eldest brother. Did I marry just for security? Dear Cary, I am the third of five children. My oldest brother, by six years, ran away from home repeatedly during his teenage years. When he finally reached adulthood he flew the coop for good. As far as I know, my parents weren’t abusive, irresponsible or neglectful...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 19, 2003 It was long-distance magic. But look! It’s fading! And he won’t say what happened! Dear Cary, It was the day before two terrifying exams, and there I was — flipping back and forth between my spreadsheets and the personals. It was an online browse, so idle that I hadn’t even searched: I was just looking for men who were looking for women and who...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 14, 2007 I know I should concentrate on my own emotional health, but he says I’m special and he cares about me! Dear Cary, I recently ended a relationship with a boyfriend who was very violent and verbally abusive toward me. I am still trying to get over this relationship, in which I was psychologically traumatized. I went through a lot in that relationship...
Cary’s classic column fromTUESDAY, APR 19, 2011 I get in and I get out. How can I slow down? Dear Cary, I have always been good at quick relationships. Any time I have wanted a boyfriend, I just started flirting and it wouldn’t take long before someone would invest in me. Relationships could start overnight if I just acted perfect enough. But they didn’t mean much when the truth came out. My...
Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 23, 2003 There’s a kind of girl I like, but I don’t seem to get anywhere with her because I don’t speak the “cool people” language. Dear Cary, It’s been about three years since I started messing around with the online personals, after a tough breakup. During that time there was a nine-month relationship with a girl I met through friends who was “nice” but...
Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JAN 12, 2012 After 15 years, suddenly she’s moody and unreachable — and I think it’s her boyfriend’s fault Dear Cary, I’m sure you’ve had letters similar to mine, but I’m sure there are others who might benefit by knowing it’s not just them who’ve dealt with a toxic friendship in their lives. I’ve dated some toxic men; one who was a verbally and...
We write and we write and we write on the Net, dispensing thoughts and advice. For what? Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, FEB 4, 2009 Dear Cary, My problem is that we have a one-day cycle in our writing, in our lives. You read our problems; then people read our problems in your column. Then people read our responses, but then the sun comes up again, and all our writing goes down on the...
Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, SEP 30, 2008 Every time I start to do my assignment, I find myself surfing the Web instead! Dear Cary, I am taking a creative nonfiction writing course, and I’m supposed to be working on a piece about what I ate for breakfast. The problem is, every time I sit down at the computer to work, I start compulsively reading the election coverage online, sometimes...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from SUNDAY, NOV 22, 2009 I think I’m a writer, but fear paralyzes me Dear Cary, I feel paralyzed and stuck in a rut. I recently graduated from college without a clear path and a hazy focus at best; I am lost and confused and can recognize that I self-sabotage any...
Dear Cary – My creative doubts have been simmering like a mild poison in my heart and mind for years and I’m starting to hate myself. I need to do something about it. Nine years ago I was living on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. By age 31 I had accidentally become a loudmouth, performance-arty, punk-rocky type person. I say accidentally because as a dull-witted, privileged...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Aug 19, 2004 My boss uses what I write in e-mails as his own. What should I do about it? Dear Cary, I’m an in-house copywriter/creative director with a small technical company, working for a boss whose communications skills, to put it...
Back in 2008, I had the good fortune to be introduced to Cary Tennis. I was trying to make sense of a novel length story I had been working on for two years. I was self-conscious and insecure about what I had produced, and those insecurities were all but squeezing the life out of my creativity. I didn’t believe I qualified as a writer, but a story came to me with such compelling force that I...
by Kyoko Ide Revolution. I feel such resistance towards it. Why? I feel fear, I get tense, I feel like I have to find the right, proper words and expressions that wouldn’t offend anybody, so that my revolutionary self wouldn’t get criticized. But that’s not revolutionary at all. How come I feel like I have to protect myself and guard myself when I try to let my revolutionary...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Cary, In my early twenties, I went to graduate school to study English literature. I was deeply passionate about the written word and knew from the moment that I could read that I wanted to devote my life to this pursuit. Idealistic, I felt like providence had led me to...
Happy New Year! After slowing down for the holidays, Cary and I are back working at full speed. The “Featured Person of the Week” is back, as are more columns and creative writing from Cary. A note: because many commenters have mentioned that they would like the ability to edit their comments after they post them, we’ve changed our method of posting comments. You now need to log in to our...
Dear reader, The following column first appeared Tuesday, February 15, 2011. As always, if you would like advice, please write to [email protected]. Happy New Year! Dear Cary, I feel somewhat guilty even writing to you; you seem to have excellent insight into many people’s problems, and should you choose to answer my letter, would someone more desperately in need not have their letter...
What our friend Brian Herrera wrote today about his experience at the Creative Getaway at Marconi spurred some thoughts of my own which I’d like to share — with people who’ve had this experience and with people who perhaps do not know about the Amherst Writers and Artists method or the creative getaways Norma and I have put on since 2008. Actually, I have a lot to say so...
Cary first met Michele Crockett at his Amherst Writers and Artists-style online workshop and since that time Michele has gone on to receive her own AWA certification. In May 2013 Michele was certified by the fabulous Maureen Buchanan Jones, Executive Director, AWA. Although Michele is currently working as Graduate Faculty at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, she is also working to...
Cary and I first learned about The Write On Mamas from Janine Kovac, who has been a regular attendee of Cary’s writing workshops over the past few years. In addition to being an exceptional creative talent, Janine has an amazing spirit and energy, and is one of those rare people who can bring people together and make magic happen. Here’s what Janine has to say about the Mamas: The...
Dear Reader, Well, I’m in Monterey this morning, here to help some writers. Also here to write on my own. When I was writing the Since You Asked column for Salon.com, which I did for nearly 12 years, every day I wrote it I wanted to be proud. It was an extraordinary opportunity for a writer, for someone who really doesn’t know how to do much else and so has had to find jobs writing...
Dear Cary, What a delight that you are continuing. Bravo! The quality of the world dipped there for a moment, but now it is leveled up again, thank, goodness. I’ll be sure to do my part to spread the word so that everyone I know can enjoy your column. On another note, I do want to ask you a few related questions about my writing. Some background: On a deep and sweet level, I am an...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Dear Reader, Right now I’m writing this column here on my own site on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You can bookmark to always find it. I’ll announce it on Facebook and Twitter whenever it goes up, and we’ll send out an email newsletter about it, too. Might miss a day or two...
I just checked out our Yelp reviews today and I am honored and grateful for all the really thoughtful, funny and kind reviews we received. Here are a few of my favorite outtakes: “I still don’t understand exactly how it works, but every Wednesday evening, when I’m tired from the day, not feeling particular creative or even enthusiastic, I sit down to write with Cary and the...