Last Thursday’s column, “My Parents Don’t Like Me,” made me wonder: How many times have I recommended that book by David Burns in the past? Wow. The answer surprised me. So I put together this list. Though it sounds like I’m either obsessed or on the take, the truth is, that one book made a lasting impression, and, cognitive therapy turns out to be good for lots of things! It’s like a multipurpose cleaner, useful in every room in the house! So enjoy … or just shake your head in pity. (Maybe I have to find a new favorite book.)–CT
In chronological order of first publication:
How can I detach from my mother?
“There are probably many good introductory books on cognitive therapy by now, but the one that introduced me to it and really blew my mind was “Feeling Good” by David Burns. I must say, reading that book along with the help of a person who practiced cognitive therapy worked very quickly to get me out of a certain crazy, repetitive thought I had, that was keeping me from doing what I needed to do. But it’s not just me. I’m an odd duck. After all, Ping-Pong works for me, too. But cognitive therapy is one of those that studies show actually works — for many people.”–November 2009
I’m so bored I can’t get off the couch
“What you want to purchase is a book called “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David Burns, M.D. You can get it at Amazon or you can find it at a bookstore. You could probably get a used paperback for maybe five bucks.”–August 2010
But wait! There’s more!
Visiting my family gets me down
“(Here is one reason I am a writer and not a therapist: If I were a therapist I would start making stuff up just to have something new to say. So I will not say for the umpteenth time to read “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns even though you probably should read it anyway because it seems to help with things like this.)”–September 2010
What did I mean by this bit about therapists making stuff up just to have something to say? What was that all about??? Oh, I remember now: I was in psychiatric treatment for depression and I had conceived a resentment against my therapist for reasons that shall remain private. Hmmm. I think feel a bout of slight depression coming on just thinking about it! I may have to take a walk out in my beautiful walled Tuscan garden for a moment just to clear my head! Be right back! …
OK, I’m back. That’s better. The world is not such a terrible place.
Is suicide illogical?
I know our culture says it’s wrong to kill yourself, but it seems like the only reasonable thing to do
And, oh, my, here I go again. In the year 2010, in this column, I wrote:
“Dear Suicidal, In thinking about your letter, I realized it had been some time (italics mine) since I had read from the book that changed my life so dramatically. So I got it down off the shelf. On page 389 of my old paperback copy of “Feeling Good — The New Mood Therapy,” by Dr. David Burns, is a chapter called “The Illogic of Suicide.”–October 2010
Now that I’m living in Italy, I wonder, just where is that “old paperback copy”? I must find it! Oh, here it is!
Social anxiety disorder is ruining high school
“But the main thing is, OK, so you have diagnosed yourself. But is it being treated? You’ve got to get treated. So you need to insist to your parents or teachers or whoever has the resources and decision-making ability that you get some cognitive-behavioral therapy. Insist on it. And do the work. Buy the book “Feeling Good” by David Burns and read it and start doing the work in it. You’re old enough and smart enough to understand it. This thing can be beaten.”–January 2011
I’m 38, nearly a Ph.D., in despair
“Speaking of depression, it does sound like you have had bouts of depression, and for depression I recommend cognitive behavioral therapy, as described in the book “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns. While meditation teaches us to let our anxious and destructive thoughts pass by, cognitive therapy gives us ways to scientifically demolish those thoughts, by testing them against the rules of logic and evidence.”–February 2011
I can dream, but I’m stuck on the implementation phase!
“Also, and perhaps more important, because what you really need to do is apply what you’ve noticed about the connection between your thoughts and your mood, get that book, “Feeling Good,” by Dr. David Burns. And get yourself some cognitive therapy. If the person who prescribed you the medication will help you find a cognitive therapist, or if that person practices cognitive therapy, that would be great.”–January 2012
Almost done! I can’t believe I relied on that book so much! It must have started to seem rather insane, or obsessive … or perhaps it is just a very simple and effective answer to a wide variety of problems, numerous problems …
I’m the meltdown master — I panic constantly
“I used cognitive behavioral therapy to get out of my depression back in the 1990s by finding a therapist and doing what he suggested — which was to read ‘Feeling Good’ by Dr. David Burns and do the exercises in the book. It worked.”–March 2012
And please note, in this column, that the “ridiculous turtleneck” I refer to Dr. David Burns wearing … well, I don’t know what’s with me, that I can make fun of a psychiatrist who has done so much good for so many people. I guess I’m just kind of a dick! The link in this column has disappeared … It looks like he has switched to shirts with collars and v-neck sweaters … but no, here’s that photo I was referring to back in 2012 … on his Goodreads page (they have no taste over there at Goodreads).
I can’t leave the house
“When you have, like, one weird thing that keeps happening, and you know what it is, that’s a great time to go to a cognitive therapist and say, Here is what is happening and how can I change it? I think you have done really well. I often recommend Dr. David Burns’s book “Feeling Good,” which is mainly aimed at depression, but is also a great introduction and workbook for changing one’s own behavior.”–September 2012
From grad school to social work
“I’m just suggesting that you study your new role in society and how it is affecting you. I think you will find answers there. And if you need techniques to gain access to your hidden assumptions in order to examine and deconstruct them, such as the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy, then certainly avail yourself of this knowledge. The David Burns book “Feeling Good” is always a good place to start.”–February 2013
Becoming a musician — again
“Because you say you are scared every day and are waking up with a vague sense of depression, you sound like a good candidate for cognitive behavioral therapy, which has been shown to help with anxiety and depression and can also help you deal with those little voices. If you want to get started right away, you could order Dr. David Burns’ book “Feeling Good” and start right in on your own. And/or find a good cognitive behavioral therapist.”–March 2013
What do I owe my father?
“My favorite book on the subject is the first one I read, which was recommended to me by a therapist when I was having some problems. It is called — and go ahead and laugh at the title; I did at first too — “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David Burns.“–June 2013
This is a good one if you want to talk about what you owe your parents, etc.: “Your father caused you to come into being, corporeally speaking. For that, many of us feel an undying sense of gratitude and a near-mystical connection to our fathers as we imagine that, in an act of love or lust, the very matter that was to become us was transmitted and our lives were thereby set ticking.”
Also, apropos of figuratively nothing, for some reason I was so bugged by the widespread use of “literally” to mean “figuratively” that I actually linked to a T-Shirt with the slogan “Misuse of literally makes me figuratively insane.” I must have been irritable that day. OK, almost done with this exhaustive search of all my columns in which I endorse this book by David Burns. Man, maybe I should ask for royalties. I wonder if anyone ever went out and bought that book on my recommendation …
Advice from Cary: Service to others helps us feel whole
In this column from October 2013 is the first one published on my own site, www.carytennis.com, just two weeks after losing my job at Salon.com, the letter writer informs me that,
“Upon your recommendation I picked up David Burns book Feeling Good–and it does make me feel better, now and then. I had made some strides with cognitive behavioral therapy, but for all of 2013 I have been unable to find part-time work … not because I am unqualified for the many openings I’ve applied for … but because I’m pushing 60.”–October 2013.
Also, note what I say about life in San Francisco.:
“As to the economic pressures on all of us in San Francisco — the rising cost of living, the cost of housing, and changing demographics, especially for minorities and the elderly — well, we are lucky in San Francisco because at least we have advocates. At least we have a dominant and progressive social consensus that is different from the cruel individualistic consensus found in many other parts of the country. We have advocates for affordable housing and for minorities and those who would be discriminated against. If you feel vulnerable there is lots of free or low-cost help. And this help is predicated on the notion that we love our diverse population. This is actually a city of love. It changes but it welcomes newcomers with love.”
Two years later we would crash out of San Francisco and end up in Italy. It turned out that San Francisco “welcomes newcomers with love” as long as they have lots of money, advanced computer-science degrees and high-tech skills!
Visiting my family gets me down
Every time I see them I’m depressed for a week
“(Here is one reason I am a writer and not a therapist: If I were a therapist I would start making stuff up just to have something new to say. So I will not say for the umpteenth time to read Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns even though you probably should read it anyway because it seems to help with things like this.)”–December 2013
When therapy doesn’t work
“Maybe no one thing you do will cure you of depression. But each thing you do will help a little bit: eating well, exercising, talking about your experience with other women who have experienced the same thing, doing yoga, meditating, sleeping well, walking in fresh air, reading books with hopeful messages, studying “Feeling Good” by David Burns and doing the exercises in it …”–May 2015
And that’s the list!–ct
Isn’t that just kind of odd that I kept recommending that book to everyone with a problem? I guess it’s because it actually did help me, and I can ignore the fact that Dr. David burns, M.D. wore a really tacky turtleneck one time for a book photo. I guess.
This brought up painful memories. And maybe it’s about separating art from the artist.
In the late 1980’s, while living in NYC, my older sister and I would drive down for back-to-back therapy appointments with Dr. Burns in Philadelphia. It took a whole day. She dealt with her issues and I with mine. Which stemmed from a repressive yet chaotic Catholic upbringing, frustration at rampant and overt workplace sexism. Plus, having been abducted and raped young, going to court in good ol’ boy hick Florida. The only other female in the courtroom was my mother. Perpetrator was convicted, then given a suspended sentence.
Back to Dr. Burns. I was a jumbled tumble of pain, trying to get out all of these intertwined life traumas. Burns was busy writing his book. Here I am bleeding out, and he would complain that I didn’t ever ask him how he was doing. He told me of how awkward he was with women when young. Then how he met a pick-up artist who taught him how to schmooze (my word) women. And so on. I found him remote, egotistical, unaware, un-interested in my collective trauma. He failed to diagnose or treat my PTSD. Later a competent, caring therapist helped greatly with that. Years lost.
About the best thing I can say is I got to struggle to put into words, to speak aloud, that which had been un-uttered for years. My sister was older, with quieter issues. Didn’t want to deprive her because it was a big deal for her to agree to therapy. So I kept going as long as she wanted, for our shared sister time, our bi-weekly road trip hoping for healing.
Perhaps his gift was in the packaging of a set of practices, not as a clinician.
I feel fortunate to not have given up on therapists, to have found others over the years who helped me thrive across my lifetime, including after losing my husband young.
Life in the time COVID has led to reflection on experiences, losses where I’ve grown, how I can grow more, how to cope living far away from my family. My older sister is still my best friend in life.
Still miss your columns! Had always hoped to get to one of your writing retreats. Still on the now more ephemeral bucket list. Ciao.
That is fascinating and sad and heartfelt and interesting all at once. You’ve told your story here. I never thought much about Dr. Burns as a clinician and this tempers my admiration for his written work. Perhaps indeed as you say, “His gift was in the packaging of a set of practices, not as a clinician.” How interesting. Perhaps also he was young and entranced with the intellectual part of psychiatry. I remember now the clinician who introduced me to the Burns book, was the first such therapist I had visited on my own like that, in response to my own need, and I broke down crying as soon as I started to speak. I had so much emotion held back, which turned out to be in part about my father. It would have been hard to bring that to someone who seemed distant and unconcerned. Not everything is “cognitive.” Not everything bends to a system. Thank you for your moving recollection.