I’m so comfortable I feel guilty!

Dear Cary,

I’m feeling guilty these days about how comfortable my pandemic experience is. I mean, I feel the weight of the chaos going on, for sure. But my family is healthy, our home is comfortable, we can get groceries delivered, our income is steady, etc.

I see other people struggling financially, and especially those fighting the good fight for justice, and I wonder why I lucked out while others are suffering? Like another recent letter-writer you responded to, I’m dealing with my own inner struggles, so getting out and marching isn’t the best option for me. But, I feel like I’m riding the coattails of the people doing the real work. I spend time in prayer and meditation, and that helps because I believe I’m contributing on that level, at least, to the overall health and goodness of the planet. We’re supporting causes with what we can, and started tithing as a way to be more intentional about it. But this feeling that I should be doing more always returns, and along with it the guilt.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you experienced any of these feelings? How are you dealing with them?

Safe (for now) in Middle America

Dear Safe,

Yes, I have had similar feelings. And in my podcast, which you can find here on my BuzzSprout site, I talk about those feelings in more detail, as I want to devote this column to your situation, not mine.

So about your situation, I would say this: The feeling that you can do more is actually a gift. The feeling is saying to you, If you want to feel more alive, more grounded, more connected, if you would like to be happier, here is what you can do. What better gift could you ask for? Many people agonize over the question, How can I be happier? How can I feel better about my place in the world? They ponder and ponder and receive no reply. You, however, are being told, by your own inner wisdom, exactly what to do to feel happier and more useful. This voice, this instruction if you will, comes to you in the form of discomfort. You need something and are not getting it and so you feel discomfort. It is normal to feel discomfort when you need something and are not getting it. You feel bad about not doing more because doing more is something you hunger for, something you need. If you felt discomfort because of hunger you would not ignore it, or question it, or hope it goes away. You would eat.

So eat. That is, satisfy this gnawing hunger to serve humanity.

The question is, what to do? That’s always the question, isn’t it?

Ask in meditation what activity calls to you. Maybe it involves food, or transportation. Maybe it involves visiting the sick, or providing food, clothing or money to people in need. Look for opportunities in your area.

This inner wisdom doesn’t have a Twitter account. It’s in our bodies. So it speaks to us by directing our feet. If you go out into the world with no clear destination, you may find yourself drawn to a location, as though you were a human divining rod. You may stumble upon something that catches your attention, that seems perfect. Pay attention to that!

The answer is within you if you can find it. Sample experiences as though they were foods, or perfumes. Some you might feel allergic to. Others will make you feel brighter and more alive.

You might find you like serving people food. You might find you like sewing things that will go out to impoverished strangers. You might be moved by images of starving children on TV and ask yourself, why don’t I donate? Go ahead. Donate! Donate money to charities and pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel cheated, like you got conned? Or do you feel grateful and full of love for humanity, like you are finally connected with your essential purpose, which is to seek joy and help others? That’s my answer. That’s my suggestion. It might sound a little woo-woo but I think it is quite simple and practical.

Good luck! Let me know how it works out!