I fear I lack common sense in life, and this affects my performance. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 24, 2008 Dear Cary, How does one build common sense? I’m a 31-year-old who has been plagued for most of my adult life with this problem. I’m a software engineer by trade, but I really love the theoretical aspects more than the practical aspects: algorithms and design as opposed to...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I could not have stayed in my country of birth, but I feel like my life in America is just unlucky Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, JUL 1, 2010 Dear Cary, I am so glad you are back. Thank you for still caring deeply for others while you are battling your health issues. I really need...
10) Rudely talk over her. 9) Ignore her and when she doesn’t go away keep ignoring her until nightfall. 8) Listen to her and look for possible kernels of truth in what she says. 7) Regard her with mute compassion as a split-off part of the self. 6) Get used to what she’s saying and tune her out like a bad radio. 5) Pause in your writing until she has had her full say and then continue...
Dear Cary, I’ve been off and on, but mostly on, alcohol for over 20 years. Currently on. About eight months ago, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend I’ve known since kindergarten. We’ve stayed close through the years but I was rather surprised by the request. Come to find out this will be a lavish affair; I am one of 12 bridesmaids and God knows how many other members...
My first boyfriend is no dime, plus he broke my heart — but I feel the old attraction Cary’s classic column from Thursday, Sep 2, 2010 Hi Cary, I’m an avid reader of your column and on more then one occasion have been found at my desk nodding and pointing in agreement with your thoughtful advice. So I thought you would be perfect for this problem. I’m 24 and have been in a “serious”...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Is it just me, or is the world seriously not living up to its potential? Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, NOV 5, 2009 Dear Cary, I have decided to start keeping a journal, beginning each new entry, “Dear Cary.” It seems to propel my writing in a focused way. Unfortunately, not so...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I wanted to be the bride but I don’t like being the wife. Now I face the toughest decision of my life. Cary’s classic column from Friday, Aug 15, 2008 Dear Cary, I am a 25-year-old woman with two dogs and a sad marriage. I’ve been married going on three years and for the past one year or...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] My charismatic ex married a pretty young thing Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 13, 2011 After 13 years and two kids, we still weren’t even married. So I’m burned but I’m not even the ex-wife Dear Cary, First of all, I want to tell you that I’ve been reading your column for...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m ruining my relationship because I’m too quick to argue. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 8, 2005 Dear Cary, For as long as I can remember, I have been very bad at arguing with people. As soon as someone disagrees with me, I get angry because I feel attacked, like the other...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] There are certain signs that I have a problem with alcohol, but nothing terrible has happened so far. Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2005 Dear Cary, You write so eloquently about alcoholism and drinking problems in so many of your columns that I hope you can help me. I’m...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m involved with a married woman who has been abused by her husband. What should I do? Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Feb 3, 2004 Dear Cary, I recently got involved with a married woman. We had been good friends for quite some time. There was an immediate emotional connection upon...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m a wife, a mother and a doctoral candidate. I’m not the kind of person this happens to. What the hell am I doing? Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, OCT 6, 2008 Hi Cary, I’m a 28-year-old doctoral student, wife and mother; it’s a life I would’ve described once as busy, happy and...
I don’t know how to settle down. But I’m almost 30 and don’t want to waste my life! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, OCT 3, 2008 Dear Cary, I’ve written to so many advice columnists and no one ever answers. I am plagued by problems — for years. In general, what the hell is the deal with me? I was so blithe and great and happy in childhood — but ever since I was, oh, 15, things have gone...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He’s a gay person of color, but he’s against the minimum wage! Cary’s classic column from Sunday, THURSDAY, JUL 21, 2005 Dear Cary, I have been at my current position as an attorney at a law firm for less than a year. Although I work at a rather typical big law firm, I am a committed...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from Sunday, Oct 10, 2010 Drawn to a younger woman, I fear I’ll make a fool of myself Dear Cary, I am a man in my late 50s. I’ve been married for over 30 years and still love my wife deeply, although our marriage is largely sexless. However, recently I’ve become...
I’m having a rough time; I’d like some justice and some peace. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, OCT 2, 2008 Dear Cary, I am not sure where to start or even if I should be writing to you. I have been struggling with something, and at times I think that I have it beaten enough and that asking for help is just useless whining for attention. At other times, it rears up, and I think that it may...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, NOV 23, 2009 I’m getting sick of being “the editor’s girlfriend” Dear Cary, I’m a college student and a reporter for my university’s paper. I’m a good writer — my work has shown up in publications beyond the university, and since arriving here I’ve...
We were going to be married. I’m finally getting over the breakup when he calls and wants to be chummy! Cary’s classic column from Wednesday, Sep 21, 2011 Dear Cary, About six months ago, the man I thought I was going to marry left me unceremoniously for another woman. During the aftermath — the moving out, the settling of affairs — he acted cruelly and horribly, cementing the split and making...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I know he’s screwed up, but as a little girl I idolized him Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, AUG 25, 2009 Dear Cary, This is an epically long letter — sorry. To some extent, I just needed to put it all down on paper so I could get a grip on it: see the patterns and find some coherence...
I’m doing the kind of work I love, but he’s earning so much more! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, FEB 16, 2006 Dear Cary, How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers. I love my job and feel that I am well suited for it; unfortunately, the pay is...
I’m suicidal a year after my miscarriage. Nothing helps Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAY 31, 2012 Dear Cary, What happens when therapy doesn’t work? I’ve battled most of my life with depression, the causes of which are probably not of very much importance (absent alcoholic father, frequent moving, mentorless young adulthood, spotty employment, fear of commitment, and the crowning insult...
I’m a well-educated and intelligent woman, but childhood trauma has brought me to the edge of madness. Cary’s classic column from MONDAY, JAN 10, 2005 Dear Cary, Ostensibly, I am a relatively well-educated, intelligent woman. I had a rough childhood. I was abused as a child; my usual punishment was caning, but my mother also pulled my hair and boxed my ears. I grew up minimizing the abuse. I was...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 Due to an “error,” the stepdaughter gets everything. Dear Cary, It really is not about the money. My dad worked two and three jobs his whole life and ended up with a relatively small estate to distribute among his eight kids and his...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] He accosted her on the street and forced her into his car. She went to the police and they did nothing Cary’s classic column from Thursday, May 24, 2012 Dear Cary, My younger sister is a 21-year-old college student who is “trapped” in an abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend, who is...
Dear Cary: I am writing to you for writing advice, more specifically, if it’s ever a good idea to write a fictional story based on an event that has happened in the author’s personal life. Let me be more specific. For the past six months, I have been the victim of cyberstalking. It began as a flirtation in an online chatroom and transformed into an obsession with me that involved the...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, DEC 10, 2009 I guess I’m guilty of conduct unbecoming a bridesmaid — but I thought she chose me for who I am Dear Cary, I was asked by a dear friend to be her maid of honor. I was immediately a little worried. I’m not into traditional wedding...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Airport foul-ups, traffic tie-ups, rude taxi drivers … I’ve had it! Cary’s classic column from TUESDAY, JAN 20, 2009 Dear Cary, I am married with three children, and have a responsible and professional job as a writer that puts me in the public eye a bit. The other day I took two...
I want desperately to have a child, and so does he. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, FEB 23, 2005 Dear Cary, I am married to the man of my dreams — except for one thing: He won’t touch me. I’m not just talking about sex; I mean he’s averse to basic human contact. We’re down to a chaste kiss as he leaves for work, an occasional hug when I ask, and sometimes another chaste good-night kiss...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m an INFJ working undercover at JCrew/Abercrombie/Banana Republic/Sephora/Barneys/Apple/Eddie Bauer Town Cary’s classic column from Tuesday, Dec 7, 2010 Dear Cary, I’m a worldly, well-traveled, experienced and vibrant woman, still young (age 55), I have a wide network of interesting...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I could have gone, I should have gone, but I thought about the money and my other plans! Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, APR 25, 2008 Dear Cary, I just got done listening to this beautiful essay on NPR. Someone wrote in to say, “Always Go to the Funeral.” I’m writing you because I...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] Should I tell a fundamentalist Christian student what I really think? Cary’s classic column from FRIDAY, JAN 27, 2006 Dear Cary, I am a doctoral student/teaching assistant in English literature at a prestigious public school on the West Coast. Yesterday evening, one of the students from...
I left my heart in Williamsburg, though I’m secretly a nerd. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, APR 12, 2007 Dear Cary, I am obsessed with hipsterdom. I don’t know why, or what to do about it. I am not a hipster. I never have been. But I have always been on the outward edges, knowing what hip is, knowing people who were hip, while remaining nerdy myself. When I was younger, back in high...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m not sure how much filial devotion I owe my father, now that he’s talking about buying a rifle. Cary’s classic column from WEDNESDAY, APR 4, 2007 Dear Cary, Since our mother’s death four and a half years ago, the burden of caring for our elderly father has fallen to my siblings and me...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] I’m trying to get a job where my boyfriend’s living and it’s just not working! Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, MAY 5, 2005 Dear Cary, My boyfriend and I were together for the first year of our relationship, then moved to separate cities after college. That was two years ago. I’ve...
[button link=”mailto:[email protected]” newwindow=”yes”] Write for Advice[/button] The family’s never gotten along, but I want to give my bride the wedding of her dreams. Cary’s classic column from THURSDAY, SEP 23, 2004 Dear Cary, I’m 26 years old and divorced. I’m engaged to be married to my best friend from college, the woman I should have been with since day one...